Long Term Effect of Bullies

Written 9/6/11

The bullies haven't spoken a word to me in quite a few years,
Yet they still ramble inside my head, every morning when I stand in front of the mirror.
I try every day to shove them into a box and try to lock it.
i even sit on it, like you would an overpacked suitcase.
But the pressure builds until it explodes,
And I break down.
After my morning attacks, I go to school.
I walk down the hallways, seeing other girls.
The bullies point out everything: my hair doesn't look as good as her's, it's frizzy and has those little curly-q's when it's humid or drying from the rain;
Or my skin will never be that smooth.
It'll always be scared with acne.

I get a compliment.
I say thank you because that's what your're supposed to do.
But really, I don't know what to do with it.
I think of boys to distract me from my own insults.
But my thinking changes: I want to be wanted but can't fathom why anybody would want me.

I pray and hope that one of these days, my thinking will change.
I hope I can wake up in the morning and not hate everything I see.
I know that day is far from today,
But if my pattern continues......

That day may never be.