Which foot, and what direction.

I love those days when everything goes right, when you lay there when the days done and you can happily say to yourself that today was great. Everything fell into place, and you can't believe you managed to pull it all off. It was just a great day.

But do any of you get that moment at the end of those days, when you know to have one this good you're going to have to go through a few bad ones? I do.

And today was one of those days, one of those days that break you so hard you honestly don't know what to do next. Sure, you know your suppose to take one more step forward, just one step and the rest will fall into place. But which foot, and in what direction?

I sat here tonight and watched my drunken mother tell what she believes are epic tales of her life. I know every word off by heart, and I know its not really how any of those moment went. I sit there and smile, acting surprised in the right places and laughing along at the funny parts. I smiled like I was being entertained, I nodded and threw in details when she couldn't remember.

Why? Because its in these moments she's happy. Shes ecstatic and she loves telling these stories, even in the process shes bagging everyone who ever meant anything to me, or that in fact some of these moments where some of the worst of my life. But I smile and laugh, because she gets to laugh and smile.

So which foot did she take, and which direction did she go in? I wish I knew because then I could chose the one in the opposite direction.

I'm sure many of you have gone through something, something that's shattered you. Ripped you apart and left a wound gaping in your chest. One that never healed, you only gained the ability to look past it. I don't doubt that you have, and I wish I could take that all away from you all, because I bet none of you deserved it.

I know some of you sit here tonight, staring at your screen wondering whats going to happen with your life. When you've realised you've been giving everything you had to everyone else. When you got nothing back in return. And you watch as their life gets great and your falling apart more and more each day. And you sit here, wishing you knew which foot to pick and which direction to go in.

For those of you who haven't experienced any of this, I'm ecstatic for you. And I wish you the best in life, like I would anyone else. But, please don't say this is just another depressive journal. Because some of you have gone through hell and back and somehow you're left standing, watching the world through jaded and pain filled eyes.

And I again wish whoever fucked it up for you, had picked the other foot and gone in the other direction. Your all amazing in your own little spasticated ways, you have traits that others will fall in love with, you'll have a smile that will make someones day somewhere. Your beautiful. And I would deck anyone who said otherwise.

All of you here tonight staring at your screen have some reason for being here, whether that be stalking journals, looking for inspiration or maybe taking a break from your own stories or whatever it is you do. But for some, their looking for a slither of understanding. Begging that they're not alone and that there's something amongst the pain they've been through.

So, this journals for you. I don't know which direction you'll pick or what foot you'll use to step forward with. I just hope you pick the right one for you, one that leads you away from the pain you've come from. And into something beautiful and inspiring, filled with the love you all deserve.

There will be good days and bad days, as you've no doubt already figured out. Its being able to look past the bad, the pain and everything you've been through and still being able to stand against those who broke you.

Stand tall, and think before you step. And you'll pick the right foot and know which direction. Just remember to breathe.