Cactus' Battle of the Books: Harry Potter vs. Twilight Pt. 1

Hello there and welcome to opening episode of Battle of the Books (aka. Cactus is bored and has had a stupid debate in her head ALL morning and needs to get it down somewhere).

Before I begin, here's a disclaimer saying that everything here is OPINION based only. I will use facts from both books to make my argument but really it's all opinion so DON'T HATE ME.

As an introduction, I will say now that, going into this I am completely biased towards Harry Potter however I am more than willing to admit strengths and weaknesses in that book and the other. So let's begin with round one; the main character.

Harry Potter vs. Isabella Swann

So first of all, let's look at Harry Potter; described first as small and lanky with messy jet black hair, green eyes and his signature round glasses and lightening bolt scar. That sounds like a pretty average kid to me (minus the scar of course), in fact I know a few guys who look just like him, is that a bad thing? No, not at all, in fact if I'm reading a book I want to be able to believe that the character could be some guy on the street because it makes it more relatable. The first time we meet Harry he's very timid, wide eyed, soft spoken and is not really sure of who he is or what he's doing (but really, he hardly ever knows what he's doing most of the time anyway) and as we follow him through the series we see him change drastically. He goes from wide eyed and timid, to hard and angry, and then to wise and even slightly confident. Harry takes us on the emotional roller coaster of growing up that we all faced when we were growing into adults, which makes him in a sense, brings reality to a very fantastic world. We got to go through the awkwardness of our first love with Cho, experience the loss of a loved one with Sirius and we got to relive the joy of just being with friends with Ron and Hermione. Harry's not really a jerk either, despite being rich, famous and a quidditch star, he doesn't act high and mighty like his father did at his age and he's done twice as much as James did; in fact he's pretty humble and more than willing to admit mistakes. Harry's also got those people that just irritate him, which is nice because we all have those people. His curiosity gets him into trouble a lot and would be irritating if he weren't curious about all the right things. On a whole I like Harry because he's realistic, he's on a whole, a pretty likable guy and we get to GROW AND MATURE WITH HIM which makes him more like our brother than just a book character.

But Harry has his flaws too. He likes to whine a lot, there's typically not one chapter in Harry Potter where he isn't brooding about some issue in his life which can be a little irritating, it's as though the author doesn't want us to forget that he's some sad, abused orphan with the constant threat of Voldemort hovering over his head. I mean look at Batman's Bruce Wayne/Batman. He's an orphan who's experienced a lot of loss, gets threatened by a bunch of weirdos in strange costumes that are always killing buttloads of people because they feel like it, and has had a lot of pressure thrown on him at a young age but you don't see him feeling the need to remind us how much his life sucks ALL THE FUCKING TIME (pardon my language). It's just annoying, and while Rowling believes Harry handles the situation very well for his age, I think it's time Harry started to look at all he's got (like Hermione, Ron, the Weasleys (who adore him by the way and are pretty much his designated family) Dumbledore, Sirius, Lupin and the Order of the Phoenix) rather than all he's lost because trust me, it's a lot more than a lot of people in this world have. While it's true this can be hard and it's much easier to cry over what you don't have as opposed to what you do, but it's not impossible. Man up. Harry's violent mood swings (although some of these can be accounted mostly to Voldemort) can be over the top and make me sometimes why Ron and Hermione put up with him. I mean he spends ninety-nine percent of the book cock-blocking them anyway. I suppose that's what best friends are for?

Now we'll look at Bella (Isabella) Swann. I'm not gonna lie, I loathe this girl but I'm going to do this credit and try to point out some positives. Bella is a pretty girl and while her appearance to the author is beyond uncanny, it's not like she has naturally blue hair or something so I'll let it slide. It's alright for a character to be a BIT attractive. She seems like a pretty decent person and actually seems to be pretty grateful for what she has. She seems to love very strongly and is very responsible, keeping up good grades while maintaining all the housework at her mother and father's homes respectively.

Now for Bella's con list (hang on to your hats folks, this could take a bit). Bella is unbelievably irritating because she so freaking UNBELIEVABLE. I mean...really guys. Yes, Bella is a pretty girl but she's not a freaking Veela (a semi-human feminine creature that whose appearance and dance are magically seductive to most men) or Poison Ivy or something, so there's no reason at all that all the boys in school should be tripping over each other for her attention. It's as though Megan Fox could walk in through the doors of Forks High and the boys would still be more interested in Bella Swann. On top of that, Bella's personality is actually really dull. I mean sure she's super responsible but responsibility didn't save Percy Weasley from being an arrogant arse. Bella isn't particularly funny or charismatic or sarcastic or witty or angry or a bitch or ANYTHING, she's just boring. SO WHY DOES EVERY ONE FREAKING LOVE HER? EXPLAIN BOOK, EXPLAIN! No? No explanation? Okay fine whatever, I'm moving on. So Bella was annoying as a human but as a vampire, she's UNBEARABLE. So, as far as looks go she becomes some goddess which I can deal with because hey, she is a vampire and vampires in this book are sex gods. But making her immune to the desire to drink human blood as a newborn vampire? No book. No. I MEAN WHY DOSEN'T SHE HAVE THAT DESIRE? EXPLAIN BOOK, EXPLAIN. And no, I won't take the explanation that she's been preparing all these years for it (when she clearly hasn't) or the Volturi's little B.S. explanation that Bella was clearly just meant to be a vampire. I mean if she was really meant to be a vampire, why doesn't she just get some dental surgery, lock herself up in some creepy castle and break into people's houses in the middle of the night and perform a blood transfusion. It's as though the author thought that Bella's relationship with Edward and all the Volturi drama was more interesting than the intense internal battle against bloodlust that she's been trying to stress for the past four fucking books when really the bloodlust thing would have been a significant improvement. The author completely robbed us of the inner struggle that makes Carlisle and Jasper great characters. And the way she can control her powers, straight off the bat and that, of course they are much more powerful than others is so unrealistic that I can't think straight right now. Yes, Harry has some unique abilities that most of the wizarding world is in lacking of but it's nothing that someone else in the wizarding world doesn't have or isn't twice as good at. You could argue that Harry's talent for Defense Against the Dark Arts is extreme but I mean really? It wasn't like he got the patronus on the first go and if he wasn't such a good fighter the book series would be really freaking short.

Whew, okay now with that done I'd like to look at supporting characters with a few in significance.

Jacob Black vs. Remus Lupin

Ah yes, the age old debate of werewolf vs. werewolf. So who's the top dog?

Well, for starters Jacob isn't even a real werewolf (spoiler alert) he's some kind of native american shapeshifter who comes from a pack of native american wolf shape shifters that haven't figured out how to change into anything other than a wolf. That's strike one against Jacob.

Let's first the actual transformation sequences and animal behavior.

Lycanthropy is a disease where a human goes out of his mind and transforms into a monstrous beast; a human killing, bloodthirsty, wolf, every full moon. This is the definition that follows folklore and myth dating back centuries. Transformations can be painful or painless depending on which version. I prefer the painful version but that's me. Lycanthropy is actually a real disease but it's all mental rather than any transformation actually occurring.

Jacob (as a werewolf) keeps his mind making him more of a fluffy puppy than a terrifying beast. His body heat is through the roof and his strength, even as a human, is unmatched. He can run fast and can actually telepathically communicate with his fellow pack members, making them all together, a liable threat but nothing frightening unless provoked. He actually looks more like a real wolf which makes me want to pet him and snuggle him than be scared of him. He blatantly transforms in front of his friends (although he really doesn't pose much of a threat anyway). It's like watching Hulk Hogan turn into a super fast, super strong chihuahua (and don't laugh, those things are freaking vicious).

Remus (as a werewolf) completely loses his mind and becomes a monstrous, man killing animal that is actually a real threat. When caught under the full moon in Prisoner of Azkaban he viciously attacks and nearly kills his best friend and nearly gets Harry, Ron and Hermione. Like Jacob, Remus' speed and power as a werewolf are unmatched, as you see him pick up the enormous Sirius Black dog and throw him against a tree with no problem. You can actually feel Remus going through this unbearable pain as he transforms and that pain is visible even as a human as he usually sustains terrible bites and scratches and always looks tired and sickly. He goes out of his way to make sure those he cares about are no where near him when he transforms and actually seems genuinely frightened of his wolf-alter ego. He is often shunned and feared.

So...Remus is closest to the REAL thing and therefore, he gets that point.

How are they handling it?

Well Jacob's got it pretty freaking good if you want opinion; no painful transformation, no sickliness, no one hating him or fearing him, and he can turn into the wolf with no consequences. And yet, he still finds things to whine about. Okay yes he has a short temper, and may be violent and therefore feels the need to hide himself away from Bella, who he loves. So's my dad from time but you don't see him shunning himself away and hating himself, in fact he encourages us to go over to his house and put up with him. And just because Jacob might turn into the wolf doesn't mean he's gonna kill her. He might bark at her or something. He's essentially just whining because he can turn into a wolf, Bella doesn't love him and has to hang around these people that he really doesn't like. First world problems much? I don't have much pity for him because honestly his life; not that bad. He has a family that loves him, Bella (although I almost pity him for that) who cares about him, a whole pack of wolves that would throw themselves out the window for him, he's not poor, he's not on the streets, he eats well, he's totally ripped, he's super strong. I mean he should be like teen wolf (the movie not the show) and abusing the heck out of that dog thing. Do you know how many chicks you could pick up with that doggy form and your rock hard abs. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WHINE ABOUT. STOP WHINING . AKSFJHKJHSLKFJDHAKLJHDKHJF; *explode*

Remus isn't really that adept to his disease although handles it with much more maturity. After almost forty years he's accepted it but that doesn't mean he doesn't hate and fear it and rightfully so. Although I will say he is more mature and much older than Jacob and does have that on him to take into consideration. He's been living (as we can guess) on the streets for most of his life and is constantly hated. There are only a select few people who actually like him and, despite how miserable his life is, he actually takes it all in stride and believes he is extraordinarily lucky to have even them. He even uses his disease to his advantage in the Order of the Phoenix to attempt to recruit werewolves to his cause. His self inflicted hate and non-existant self-esteem is explained easily by the number of people who jeer, spit, fear and hate him each day and it's not hard for the reader to understand why he believes everyone hates him.

Fun fact, I don't know what it is with werewolves but they like to fall in love with girls significantly younger than them.

Remus is fifteen years older than Tonks and Jacob...well I'm not going there because there's something wrong about a twenty year old falling in love with a baby, I don't care what your excuse is.

To be continued because I've been writing this four hours almost.