Worst Christmas Ever

I have so many problems with people at school so these next 2 weeks were supposed to be a nice break from them, but then my dad got me sick yesterday. I could barely breathe and my throat hurt like words cannot describe. My head was throbbing and I was forced to be social with my family who really doesn’t give a shit about me and my world, but they act like they do. The brighter moment came when I got my Christmas Eve gift, which I then proceeded to carry around the rest of the day. When they all sat down to eat dinner, I went up to my room and they didn’t care whether I was there or not. After a short attempt at a nap, I went back downstairs and sat silently at the table. It toko a good few minutes before anyone noticed. Then my aunt said “oh, you came down here to infect us all, huh?” I tried to ignore it like everyone ignored me. After dinner, my family gathers around in a giant circle in the living room to sing Christmas songs, and I was out of the circle. I was being treated by my family the way my “friends” treat me at school. That night, I just sat in my bed staring at the ceiling, but at about 3 I fell asleep. When I woke up at 8, I had the worst period cramps I’ve had in my entire life, and I still was pretty sick. I got hit in the eye right after I woke up and to this moment, I see three of everything. Knowing my luck I’m gonna lose my sight in my left eye. Then we had to wait until my cousin got here at 2 to actually do anything, so I was bored the entire morning. My cousin is completely different from me, and since I’m used to not speaking at school, I didn’t know how to talk to my cousin. Since we never get to see my cousin, everybody loved her to death while I was on my own the whole day. I did get a new slideboard for a present but my hip issues makes it painful to use it. I spent a good 3 hours outside messing around with my hockey stick since I got the clear to practice today, and when I came back no one had noticed I’d ever left. Once my cousin and aunt left, my grandmother called me out for not speaking to my cousin. She said that I put off my friends because they don’t like hockey. I wish she could see what it’s really like. I was excited that the World Juniors start tomorrow but of course my family just had to make plans right at gametime. Plus I don’t see the point in loving something when no one lets you express your love for it, so I may as well give up my love for the WJCs, the Scheif, and hockey in general. What really hurts though is last week when I said “I wish I could go to the WJCs” and my mom looked at me, smiled, and said “well, you never know. things happen.” Nothing fucking happened. Plus, this is my first Christmas without someone I love who recently passed, and I miss him more than anything. Since I was cleared for practice, I’d love to go skate but all the rinks are closed. On top of everything, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow night because I have a tendon issue so I get a new ankle brace and splint to wear. Then on Tuesday my parents made me a psychiatrist appointment but she can’t erase all my problems so I don’t see the point in going. I just cut again, even though I promised I wouldn’t, but then again why should I keep promises if no one else keeps them for me? What a lovely Christmas to be depressed.