I need some mindless reflection.

Be honest, do you have a boyfriend?
No. Nor do I really want one at this point.

Who are you texting right now?
Nicole and Mackenzie.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
I was up until around midnight, reading. But I was tired.

What are you gonna do later?
Party. Yep. Should be good.

What's currently bothering you right now?
It's still bothering me that she didn't want to tell me. That really, really hurt. We'll be okay, but I don't want it to turn out like it usually does. Also, I think Beau may be right. Stupid complications.

Has anyone ever hung up on you?
I think my sister has.

Are you seeing the last person you kissed?
No.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Tomorrow I shall buy things needed to make cookies.

Did the last person you kiss have tattoo's?
No.

Is the person you texted last single?
Nope

Last time you were at the movies?
Last night lol.

Where did you get the pants you're wearing?
Stitches.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes, yes I do.

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Of course.

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Knowing me, probably tonight.

Do you like winter time?
Not usually. Calgary is generally terrible for winter. This year has been freakishly warm, though.

What are you currently listening to?
I have Merlin on as background noise.

Best thing that happened to you this week?
Babies!

Are you currently talking to/texting/instant-messaging anyone?
No.

Are things going well in your life right now?
Uh. Some things.

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
No. Not EVERY time.

What are you doing right now?
I'm writing this, and hoping for some questions that might help me think. Also, half-watching Merlin.

Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
Yes. It's happened a few times. Mostly with friends, rather than lovers.

Did you ever lose a best friend?
I lost the only true best friend I've had. It hurt. I suppose it was technically my fault, which hurts even more, but I think it wasn't really just me.

Have you ever been called a bitch?
Many times.

Are you giving up on someone?
I'm trying to.

Do you think it is disgusting for girls to drink alcohol and get drunk?
Not really. That is my plan for tonight, after all. Sometimes it goes too far and people make mistakes, though.

Have you ever watched someone’s eyes tear up as they started to cry?
Yes. It's hard to watch.

When was the last time you felt like you wanted to cry but wouldn’t let yourself? Do you often hold back your tears?
It probably happened relatively recently. I don't often let myself cry.

Name a memory of yours that has faded in clarity. Do you wish you could remember it more vividly?
I remember the night Rhiannon slept over, and we read girly magazines and talked, and cried. I miss her, and really wish I could remember every moment.

Have you ever dated anyone with blue eyes? Did/does that person make you happy?
I don't think I have, oddly enough.

Do you know anyone that needs a serious wake up call or a reality check? In what way?
I think everyone needs one in some way or another.

Have you ever watched anyone sleep?
Kind of, yes.

Is there anyone who means a great deal to you, but you’re too afraid to express how you really feel about them?
There was, yes. But now he's gone. Such is life.

Who is someone you feel as though you cannot live without?
Sadly enough, I'm pretty sure I could cut anyone out of my life and be fine. But there are many people I would miss.

Do you ever pretend to agree with someone even though you may actually feel differently?
Sometimes that's part of the job.

Is purity beautiful to you?
It can be. So can corruption. Anything can be beautiful.

When’s the next time you’ll hang out with your best friend?
I'm not really sure who I'd say my best friend is, at this point. I suppose I'll say Saturday, because I'm seeing my favourite school friends for new years.

When was the last time someone asked you on a date?
I suppose you could consider what Tony asked as a date... so about five minutes ago.

How do you feel about being in relationships?
I don't deal well with being in relationships. Not even just romantic relationships. I have a hard time with friendships, too. Anything that involves someone outside my head is a struggle for me.

If you decided you were going to be single forever, who could make you change your mind?
Brad. If he were to come back and tell me he wants to be with me, I would drop everyone else.

Have you ever wished you could hurt somebody as much as they hurt you?
No. As much as I've been hurt, I wouldn't wish in on someone else. Maybe that means I'm not as bad of a person as I typically think.

When was the last time you felt like it was someone’s fault that you were in a bad mood?
I haven't been in a bad mood for quite a while.

When are you more open to express your feelings?
Never, really. It's a bit sad. I suppose when I'm alone and writing. Mostly because I know no one will read what I write, which I find oddly comforting.

Do you regret going out with the last person you did?
"Going out" as in dating, or "going out" as in going out? Dating, no. We're still friends, and one day we may be together again. Going out, I believe was with my classmates and a couple teachers. It was a good time, no regrets.

Has anyone ever told one of your secrets they promised they wouldn't tell?
Of course. That's the nature of secrets. They all come out in time.

Would you be able to live without the last person you fought with?
I don't think I've fought with anyone for quite a while.

Did you have any unread texts when you woke up today?
I had about 5.

Slept in the same bed with the last person you text?
Not a bed, but a couch.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you tell everything to?
I've gotten into the habit of only telling people what they need to know. It's so much easier.

Are you nice to everyone?
I'm civil to everyone. I try my best to tolerate people.

Your last kiss probably meant nothing, right?
It was supposed to mean nothing. But I get the feeling that wasn't the case, which leads to a bit of stress.

Would it be weird if the last person you kissed called you?
A bit, because he knows I don't talk on the phone.

It's 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely?
Beau, Kirk, Craig, Mackenzie, anyone is likely. It's kind of strange.

Will you sleep alone tonight?
My dog sleeps on my bed, so I guess I won't technically be alone. But I will not be having physical relations with anyone tonight. At least, I don't think so.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
I know they will. The next few months are going to be very, very strange.

Are promises important to you?
Not really. Promises are just words. Words mean nothing.

Has anything upset you in the last week?
A lot of things, sadly enough. It's been a bit rough.

Did you have a better day yesterday or today?
Both have been pretty good. Holiday breaks are nice.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
I'm not entirely sure. We're classmates, and friends, and maybe more. I really don't know. I would like to know.

Last awkward moment?
Last night I rolled up my sleeves to wash some dishes while my mum was in the kitchen as well. She saw the handcuff bruises. Fortunately she didn't say anything. Still awkward.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Yes. The hard part is figuring if I return the feelings.

When was the last time you received a hug?
Tuesday night. Or, I suppose it was Wednesday morning. Beau was dropping off my scarf since I forgot it.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
I'm not sure. I don't really remember myself a year ago.

Who was the last person who said they loved you?
Mackenzie.

Have you ever been called heartless?
Many times. It's one of my strengths.

What is your least favorite subject?
I don't really have one. All of my courses are excellent. Although I'm quite stressed. My computer course for next semester is off my schedule and I think it's because I don't have the prerequisite. So I may have to retake that course and just challenge it so things can get back on track. I am scared.

What year do/did you graduate?
I finished highschool in 2009. I should be done college in 2013.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of?
Goldschlager. We're classy like that.

Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed?
I have, with guys I've dated and with just friends.

Who last slept in your bed besides you?
Just my dog. Other than that... It's so long ago I can't even recall.

Last time you really cried, and why?
I was scared I couldn't continue my program.

How long have you been single? (Or dating your current interest)
Nearly two years, now. It's been good.

What was the last movie you watched?
Singin' in the Rain. But I was going to watch Showboat today...

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy?
I was told that the other night, actually.

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed?:
No. I'm not with anybody. Nor would i like to be.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?:
It depends on who it is. I'm pretty good about smiling all the time, just in case.

Would you make a good girlfriend/boyfriend?:
I don't think so. Maybe later in life, but right now I can't do it.

What is on your wrists right now?:
Bruises. Yikes. Worth it.

Are there any stressful situations in your life?:
Yes. I need to just stay away from everyone for a while.

Do you like when people call you babe?:
It's okay when people I know and get along with do so. Otherwise it's a bit creepy. Hmm. It's okay when bartenders do it, too.

Is your ex single?
The only one that matters is.

Have you kissed anybody with the first letter of their name A, K, M, B, S, T, D or C?
Andrew, Kyle, Matt, Beau, Scott, Tom, Dan, Cam.

Are you a mean person?
I can be. Sometimes that's what it takes.

Last time you were really happy?
I don't remember. Is that sad? Probably. But sometimes life is like that.

Do you miss your past?
Sometimes I miss part of it. And then I realize there's no point. What's done is done, and that won't change.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
Sometimes. I remember being waitlisted, and that hurt. I thought I wasn't going to make it, because I wasn't goo enough.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
Yeah. Her and I are very similar.

Your ex says they never even liked you, you say?
I would call him a liar. I know he still wants to be with me. Sometimes I wonder why we didn't work out.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
I've done it before. I don't think I could right now. I need to be alone some more.

Are you shy?
Very. It's uncomfortable. Unless I drink, then I'm rather outgoing. It frustrates me.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?
Let's see... I have messages from: Mike (no), Cam (already have), Kirk (no), Father (no), Hannah (maybe), Craig (already have), Mackenzie (already have), Tony (already have), Nicole (probably), Beau (already have), Nathan (probably not).

Do you ever hang out with your ex?
Yes. We are often... closer than we should be. I'm afraid there may be feelings.

When you say you don't care do you mean it?
More often than not. I find I don't care about much anymore.

Are you generally a happy person?
No. I'd like to be. I typically act like I am. But I'm generally more angry than anything.

What makes you happy?
Being skilled. I like to be the best. Not that I'm very competitive, but it's nice when I know I'm really good at something.

Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes. And that was the "official" reason we broke up, even though I think we should have stayed together.

Are you tired?
A bit.

Is confidence cute?
I will say yes to this, although it's only cute to an extent.

What was your best subject?
I have top marks out of the class in script, and I'm really great at it, but oddly enough my best marks are tied in production and journalism.

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Yep. Last night I laughed at my mum for walking into a door, then I nearly fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle.

What animal did you last pet or hold?
My dog, Tucker. He's sitting on my lap as I write this.

To what song did you last sing along?
Piece by Piece by People For Dinner.

Does anyone disgust you?
Sometimes I disgust myself.

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now?
No. It would take a very, very special 18 year old.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Well, Piece by Piece. It reminds me of the people it's about. It makes me a bit sad sometimes.

How often do you listen to music?
Every day.

Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Jeans. I never wear sweats, except occasionally to bed.

Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012?
That gives me... approximately 54 hours. Not likely.

Have the cops ever came to your house?
Of course. For family dinners and such. Or just driving me home. Such nice policemen in my family.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with an A?
Andrew and Anthony come to mind.

What about a K?
Kayla, Kyle, Kyla, Kirsten...

Do you care if people talk badly about you?
Not really. People will say what they will, and there's not much I can do about it. I know the truth.

Does anyone regularly - other than family - tell you they love you?
Yes. I have friends that do, and they mean it.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
Guess. But I got it from my sister's drawer.

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
They are neither empty nor hidden. Gin, JD, and cherry whisky. Deeeelightful. Hopefully some of it makes it though the night.

Do you want your tongue pierced?
No. I would like it split, though. I am going to wait until I'm about 27. If I still want it then and am in a place in my life where it is acceptable, I will do it.

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Grade 7. It help no importance. No one in my life then stayed in my life past that year. Nothing I learned changed me.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
No. I honestly don't think I'll be married at all.