My view on New Years resolutions and Love and other sometimes painful things.

I apologize if you clicked on this and thought it was going to be an inspirational happy vent about new years and all that. Or a dedication to those who are in love and don't question it every step of the way.

I can't write something for you tonight.

No, again I write for those who are emotionally damaged and they sit here tonight, knowing its almost a new year, a chance to change your life. And wonder where the hell do you start. Where do you begin to change the million things in your life that you want to.

New Years, never been a fan of it, the whole new years resolution thing has never sat well with me. Its a new year yes, but what makes it so different from any other day? What makes this day so fucking special. The date. The date makes it special, and sorry for me thats not enough.

If you want to change your life, do it now. Make a decision to change, not for anyone else. Not because someone told you too, no. Do it for you. Do it because regardless of how damaged we are, or how desperate we are for someone or something to answer our silent pleas. There isn't someone who can change the reasons for needing that person.

No, we have to change, we have to make that choice. And some of us aren't ready. We need a moment to catch our selves on this train we're racing on. We need to pause to just breathe.

So those of you who have someone in your life like us, we apologise for our lack of emotion. The way we push you away, and don't let you in. The way we avoid the deep stuff. We're sorry.

But pause for a moment before you too push away. Remember somethings happened to make us like this, remember that although it hurts you every time we do this. remember our pain, our pain is a lot worse. We pull away because it hurts, letting you in hurts. We want to, oh god we want to be normal and let you in like we should be able to.

But its hard, its so fucking hard and it will take a bit longer, because we've got these walls we have to push through so you can see the real us, the pain, the emotion, everything. And although we don't want to admit it sometimes, part of it is to test you, to see if you'll hurt us.
Because when we open up, when we give you everything, the love, our hearts. You own it all, you own every single fragment of us. Its in your hands. So look after it.

If we give it to you, treasure it. Because we don't give it away on a whim. No you'll get it because you deserve it, you'll get it because you stuck by us. You didn't give up, you knew it was painful and that it hurts. You know its terrifying and that we are so scared every step of the way. You may not fully understand it but you accept it.

You stuck by us and you didn't give up, you chipped away slowly and you won. And I promise you, you'll be rewarded.

And for those who couldn't hack it, we get it. We might be pissed for a bit but we get it. It didn't work out and thats okay, you'll find someone you can handle and who can handle your crap too. We're damaged goods, and we're not cut out for everyone, and thats okay.

So, whats your New Years resolution, is it to find love? To be a better person? To forgive those who've hurt you? To save money?

Or do you just wish for the chance to breathe and to know whether the person who said they love you and that will be there for you, really will be? Or if they couldn't hack it like the rest.