Sometimes I want to disappear from this world. I love my family and I love my friends but sometimes I can feel something inside me stir and it scares me. it is a feeling-a dark feeling. it makes me wish it was something solid so I could at least do something about it. But its there and it scares me.
It feels big sometimes. It feels invisible other times. But it always is dark, darker than a cave at night. It can fill me with fear. But sometimes it fills me with rage. So bitter and red that it turns me into glass so fragile a slight nudge will make me snap. That is just a part of it and it scares me.
When I turn into glass I forget things. Important things. like who I am. What I’m doing even why I’m doing these things of blind rage. I fear for others most. I don’t want to hurt the people I love, the people I don’t know, even the people I hate. And yet… I cant seem to stop it for long. I’ve learned through the years to bottle it. But it makes it worst in the end, the piling of everything just blows apart and then I shatter. like glass.
This darkness inside me I don’t know where it came from but I hold it in my heart in my head. And it pains me always. I think I’m crazy but people who are truly insane cant admit it to themselves, right? So where does that leave me? Am I dangerous?…yes I am.
I know what I can do to others mentally- physically but I don’t want to do that. So I’m going to try and rid myself this darkness. But again I am scared. I feel myself slowly accepting it. The dark. The rage. I am scared that I’ll become tainted. But if I accept it maybe something sometime soon will happen, I wonder what?
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