Just Like In The Movies

So, my best friend has a gf now. Idk what to think. I love him and I don’t want to tell him I’m jealous because I don’t know how he’d take it. I want to be happy for him but I can’t, not when he’s not with me. But I owe him that much. I mean, I’ve been with other guys for as long as we’ve been friends and he’s always been there for me. I should be there for him. I want to be, but it hurts. But now I’m wondering if he felt like this when he saw me go through Omari and start into something with Donavon. It must’ve killed him like this is killing me.

I don’t know what would happen if he were to come back up here, I mean, knowing what I had and compared to what I have and thinking about what I could’ve had with him, makes me sad. I think about him a little too much more than often. At night, in the morning, everything in between (unless I’m in trig. with Omari) and like, I feel horrible because he’s taking up so much space that I know he wouldn’t want to be. I just miss him so much.

When we first met, I instantly liked him. He was on his way to being that one, but then I met Omari. ¡¡Oi vey!! Omari swept me off my feet and to cloud 9. Charlie didn’t take it well, and secretly, neither did I. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I liked Omari, but I was waiting for Charles. I don’t think I ever told anyone that until now. -sighs- I struggled between Charlie and Omari for a good month. Back and forth in my mind. Then, I met Donavon. Oh gosh, that was a… … I don’t even know, but the world totally stopped for him. All of the sudden I was his and Omari and Charles were out of my mind. Charlie stopped talking to me for a while, but always kept an eye out. I should’ve known from there that he was mine, but I didn’t. He still has his eye out for me in his own way, even though he’s in Florida, I feel him.

I wish he was here. Tell him that I love him. Give him hugs and kisses. Sneak him into my house at midnight so we can fall asleep together and then wake up by 6 so he can gtfo (lol). We’d be amazing, everyone knows it, everyone saw it, except for me. I’m sorrie Charlie. I love you so. I miss you, and even though I’m not showing it atm, I want you to be happy. So if distancing myself while you have a relationship so that you don’t get mixed feelings like I do helps, then by gosh darn rattlesticks (idkwtf), that’s what I’ll do. I love you and I’ll be seeing you.