Suicide Note 1

I believe in suicide. I don’t think I’ll go to hell just by committing it. I think that your life is the only thing in the world that you have most control of. If you want to leave the place called earth. Then it’s your decision. Maybe it won’t be the same as The Last Supper for your family and friends. But at least you could be happy again. Suicide IS justifiable.
I would like to commit suicide sometimes. Something always holds me back though. But I can’t let it now. I can’t and I won’t let myself live like this anymore. I hate feeling this way. And having others bear the burden. I hate when my friends and family say it’s their obligation to keep me happy. It’s not. It’s my decision really. If I really wanted to be happy I guess I could reach out and get help. But my fears overrun my life more than my wisdom. My fear that I won’t get the help I need comes out. What if I’m laughed at?
I’ve been to a shrink’s office before. Only once with my mom for her appointment. I walked in and looked at the people sitting there. They looked like they’d been mugged. But that small amount of false hope was there. It was in their eyes. Again, it’s false hope.
Nobody can fix you. Nobody can. It’s worthless to even try. What’s done is done. And you have to live with it; if you decide to live. You can’t change the past. So why even try.
You think the people who are really depressed and suicidal are the ones who drink and do drugs their entire life. The real fact is. They’re the ones who want to live. They want to stay around. So they need some way to deal with it.
Also, no one in the world can completely understand how you feel. This is true because no one is the same. No one thinks the same or even has the same morals and ethics. No one can truly put themselves in your shoes even if the shoe fits. The shoe was only made for you. You’re the only one who can wear it. So therefore, you’re the only one who could understand yourself.
In conclusion. Life is life. There’s no way to change anything. You live for today and love while you can. There’s no one stopping you or holding you back from death. If you feel you need it. Then do it. Just make sure that it’s the right choice for you. Because in this fucked up world. The person first and foremost you should care about is YOU.