Duck crap.

Almost everything I write seems like silly spam to me. Anyways, this is going to be long and kind of maddening. So.. read at your own risk? Haha. ------

I hate what you're doing to me. I hate it so much. I hate the fact that in the middle of my homework, you'll pop into my thoughts like an uninvited guest at the dinner table. I hate that I think about what happened between us every night before I go to sleep, and I bet you haven't had a lasting thought about me ever since. I hate that I look forward to fourth period because that's the only class I have with you, and when you're off ditching, I suddenly realize just how much I actually dislike World History. I hate that when I gather up courage to speak to you, it disintigrates as soon as you look at me, and I get all weak-kneed and starry-eyed. I hate that you're with some ho and you both are only in it for the sex, yet here I am, waiting for you to give me a chance. I hate that even though we hardly ever talk, even though we hardly see each other throughout the day, even though we don't know each other too well, you somehow managed to catch me like a fish on a fishing line.-----

There’s this complicated dilemma going on inside my head and heart right now.

My heart says, “Just do it! Talk to him, kiss him, be with him if that’s what you want! What’s the worse that can happen?”

And then my head either goes crazy with these ridiculously fabricated situations that would somehow end up with me getting hurt, or it’ll answer my heart’s question realistically and say, “What’s the worst that can happen?! More like what isn’t the worst that can happen? You’ll only get played and get hurt; you’ll probably fall in l o v e with this sweet-talker, just like you did last time. You do remember last time, right?”-----

And then my heart with deflate a little… because yes. I do remember last time.

And then my heart will deflate a little more at the realization… and it won’t want to continue hoping and wishing and liking this boy.-----

But I’m a dreamer, a believer; the girl that believes in wishes on shooting stars and 11:11’s. I persevere with the things that my heart wants, and right now, my hearts wants YOU.----

But the truth is.. I'm so scared. You can easily romance me with sweet words, kind gestures; I'm so scared at how easy it is for you to do me in. How easily I lose myself in your eyes, in these romantic fantasies that just don't exist in the real world. It's frightening, thinking that I can lose myself, my sanity, my control over my feelings.. all because of you.-----

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. My heart makes my brain seem stupid. You're not the only one thinking that. Okay, I'm done here.