I wrote stories about him, and now...he's one call away...

There is this man, a beautiful man I've stumbled across. The truth is, our relationship was forbidden from the start. I'm his student...though I'm not a child by any means, twenty, almost twenty-one. We have an age difference, he's almost thirty. The thing is though, I fell in love with him, and he fell for me...I am so grateful to this man though, because he's done more than just be there for me, though that was his intentions. He's been pressing to keep us on the friendship level, simply because he can't really have a relationship beyond that at the moment. What he does, he's not exactly a teacher, but I am indeed his student. When we first met, he reintroduced me to God, and our bond strangely, was immediate. It started with me coming to him daily in his office, asking for prayer, talking, getting over a lot I'd been through. You see, I've had a long life, for such a short time being an inhabitant of Earth. I'd gotten so close, that I suppose it couldn't be helped that a crush was formed, except it was intense, like not crazy crush, more like passionate crush. Than, we started meeting up outside of school, trying to avoid rumors, though, it may not have helped. This happened a few times a week, and eventually...we had our first kiss...and then I made it to his house, twice. It's crazy, because before I knew it I was in love with him! I mean, it seems like I passed the liking phase completely.

I just seen him last weekend, stayed a few nights. I feel a little bit convicted, but...I want to be his...his wife. Our relationship is just so uniquely special. There are so many moments, where this guy just took my breath away. Moments where he just knew I was not where I was supposed to be, randomly texting and calling to ask me what I was doing, more so, if I was okay, at just the right moment. When my mother got in to some trouble and I just found out, he called me the moment I found out, asking me if something was wrong. The day we met! That day, he was chewing me out, than looked into my eyes and said, 'Mama, do you know God??' I shrugged, saying that I believed that there was something, but my belief was something different. He nodded slowly, saying, 'I'm looking at you, and you just look exhausted, you look so tired. I don't mean like you haven't slept, I mean like your soul.'

Etc etc etc, It ended with me in tears, him holding me, and giving me his cell number to get in contact if I needed anything.

Well...there's a ton of truly indescribable moments we've shared, passion that we've shared...

And like today, he said 'I'm not going to lie, I feel the same as you.' Well, I've never lied to this man, not ever. He knows me through and through, and I've done some terrible things, but he just sees me as beautiful...and the same goes for him. Man, he's done insane things, jail type of things. Lots of them, prison type of things, and while people may see us as two ugly people, well he's as clean as they come in my eyes.

The other day, I was getting ready to leave...and I was quiet because I felt soooo strong towards him, when we were making love that I burst into tears, the night before. So, finally we started talking and I said, 'Are my feelings, time and effort wasted?' he asked, 'what do you mean by that?'...and I replied, 'Am I wasting my time on you??' He took off his glasses, 'sweetie, I can't answer that. No, I can't tell you that. I mean, honestly, I just need to focus, and most importantly, I need more of my Jesus. I need more of Him. I need to get right with Him. Babe, that's not a bad thing!' I smiled at him, 'I know, I didn't say it was,' he laughed, 'Just think of it like this, this man thinks the world of you, but no, you're not worth his Gods love,' which I'm not sad about. Than he sees me staring at him, and asks 'what babe?' and I don't say anything so he leans over and we kiss. He sits back up and reaches over and rubs my leg, 'besides, I honestly don't think I'll be dating. I honestly think I'll marry the woman who is my best friend.' He smiled at me, 'she could be you...maybe, possibly. I'll give it to the Lord.'

Blah...the truth is, this man is like the guy I've written about forever. He's very intelligent, extremely well educated, the age difference is attractive to me, his maturity, just his thought process, the way he speaks, yet :) as he says 'I'm kinda ghetto still huh, I put on a good act though.' Lol, as he was putting gum he'd lost stuck on some piece of paper back in his mouth. We laugh a lot together.

We do slip up on occasions, our lust is a difficult aspect in our relationship, but we're working on it, but most important our friendship, our foundation...I adore him. Actually, within a few more days I'll no longer be considered his student. Which doesn't really mean I can go around flaunting it...I miss him right now. He's got to go back, leaving me here. It's cold here.

:( I almost died, in a wreck, side note. :( This weather sucks! I don't know why I left the warmth. :& BLAH!! :)

Love...can be just crazy.