Change and Other Slightly Pathetic Ramblings

Okay so usually my Journals are full of all that philosophy crap, or just random shout outs to random damaged people. But I'm all out of insight so I'm just going to ramble and see what happens. (I so wish they would hurry up and fix the journals though.) But the main focus of this Journal is Change. I never actually thought I would be one of those people who would wake up one day and look at their life and go, what the hell happened here?! Sounds like some movie opening or something I know, but seriously I just finished high school and I knew everything was about to change. But god, its changed so fast and hard. I look at a lot of my relationships (Friends and now Ex) And I can't relate to them anymore, no that's not quiet right, I just can't return it anymore. Its like someones come and picked me off my tiny shity dirt road and placed me in the middle of a eight lane highway, with a billion roads going everywhere. Choices and new opportunities in every direction. And everything that was on my little dirt road, seems small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Some relationships aren't meant to last, some come with you through these changes, and are strong enough to change with you. Others fade as they take their own roads. And once upon a time I would have clung to them and dragged myself with them down that road, terrified to be alone, and without them. Now, well its all changed. We're all going to be alone at some point, I always thought I understood that, but I didn't until recently. I'm alone. And that's okay because if I can handle being alone I'll find someone who I will love with real love, not out of the fear of being alone. I don't regret breaking things off with my Ex, because it wasn't the right relationship. Again I know that now. He's a truly amazing guy and I'll always love him, but love isn't enough I've realized. You can love someone and know that the situation and relationship is wrong. Its handicapping both of you, not letting you become the person you can be. And what they can be. I'll hold onto the memories for a long time, and it hurts when I let myself think of them. Before I would have run back to his warm, protective arms. Now, I know that its a bad idea. And I won't, I'll hold onto the memories, and remember what we had. Change, its a scary thing. So very scary. It can tip your entire world upside down, and shatter something you once thought was unbreakable. But that's life, and I may be alone and scared as hell. But I'll just keep breathing and writing and see where this all takes me. With little expectations and a tone of flexibility for whatever else life throws at me.