I'm breaking down, I just want to find him, and be happy for once in three years.

I know my journals are usually full of cursing, and swearing, and humor...but today...I think I need to talk about that same old topic thats been creeping up on me for as long as I can remember. Tyler.

In a quick summary, he's the love of my life that's gone. There was ups and downs, he went to jail, he came back, and was gone again. I don't even know where he is and the only thing I want is to know that he's alright. I want to know that drugs or gangs haven't killed him, I want to know he's not in jail, and I want to know he's making a future himself. But the thing is...I'm gone, and he's gone and I can't know.

It's been three years or so since I last saw him, and my feelings haven't changed about him, and I've convinced myself that he's the love of my life, and he's gone. I worry about him everyday, more than anything. I can't focus in school anymore and I don't even like talking to people because I'm so upset and depressed all the time. I don't know what to do.

It's been three years, and this isn't going away. I don't know why, am I crazy? Am I just a mental crazy person? I don't know what to do. Thanks for supporting me with my almost-daily breakdown.