A Random Thought

Writing is like ripping your heart out and dumping the contents on a table. After you sort through the pieces, you have no idea where they fit into your story or your life. When I look at the pieces that lay before me, I think about what is yet to come. Life. That’s what I write about. Other peoples lives, or fantasy lives we all wish at one point or another that we lived. Every one just wants to feel special, maybe not with super powers, but special to just one or two people that matter most in their life. I feel that every day, trying to be that one person that is not like every one else. Trying to be noticed. Trying to be someone I’m not, and trying to be like the people I write about, who are special. I just want the chance for people to like me for who I am and not the masks I try on. A few people have cut through the masks and have seen me for me. Some of my closest friends have gotten through to see my odd and funny side. But there is wall, between me and the world. I don’t want to be teased or made fun of because of my ideas or what I do in my spare time. That’s how high school is though, all the “popular” kids who aren’t comfortable with themselves hack away at anyone who stands out in a room. So being special in or own way can get us bullied. As I’m writing this I am thinking about all the kids I have made fun of, and how much it hurt to have people zeroing in on me for writing a 12 paged story or reading 9 books over a week. I have hurt people, not intentionally, but I have. I wanted to feel special, wanted, and pushed he attention to some poor kid who I didn’t really know and sentenced them to the teasing I have endured for years. I’m truly sorry for that.