College, Life after College, Time.

So I've been thinking about college and time today. I'm almost done with Highschool and I'm starting to look into colleges and I'm terrified. I mean College is going to be my first time in the real world, it's my first step and it's scary. I mean I'm going to have to lean on my parents to support me less, go through four years of schooling on my own and start my own life. I mean those four years will probably go by fast then I'm going to have to try and make it. I mean what if I can't? What if I fail? the What if's? are running through my mind like crazy.

Time is a tricky thing to me. Here I am 17 soon to be 18, and I'm scared. I find it ironically funny that as a kid I couldn't wait to grow up, and now that I'm almost grown up I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time where my biggest worry was that I couldn't go out and play that day, or I could find my favorite toy. I want to go back where I only saw the simple and good things in life. Where simple things like Blue's Clues is coming on, or my sisters, cousin, and I were going to make a fort in my Dad's living room with all the pillows, blankets, and chairs in the house. Nostalgia is an emotion that's running deep within me now.

Then there's life after college I've been thinking about too. I mean after 4 years I'm going to have to take my degree and try to make it in the journalism world. I mean that thought's extremely daunting itself. Then I'm going to have to try to live on my own and support myself. I mean it's going to be hard because, sooner or later I'm going to move out of Bristol and try to make life in a strange new state, and city, alone. I'm going to have to be in a city where no one knows me and I know no one. I'm not going to get to see my family like I'm used to. I'm going to miss seeing my nieces a lot, and miss parts of their lives. I'm going to miss seeing my best friends that I've known for all my life and I've known her whole life. I'm not going to be able to just walk in a room at 1:00 in the morning and have talks with my eldest sister. It's just daunting and scary to know that my life is drastically changing now and in 4 years it will drastically change again.