You can read or you don't have to . . . . But this is my week and night. It's been beyond horrible and I really just need to vent to someone or no one

Before you read this I want you to know that I don't want or need your sympathy. This journal is simply here for me to vent because right now I'm loosing my mind. Right now I need to get everything out. Its like screaming a secret in the hallway of a school-it feels good to finally let it out and be free. So here I am screaming my secret and if you hear then . . . . . you hear. But I don't need your criticism or options. I just need to know that my horrible week and night is out there and that I've gotten it off my chest so I might just be able to breath a little bit better and finally go to sleep tonight.

Writing does help, but only sometimes. God, I hope this is one of those times.

Tonight-no this week has been horrible. This was my first month of starting a new job. Not really the point but the point being is that school plus job equals stressed anxious Kristen. Yeah I have anxiety and on top of that depression but like I said, not really the point. I manage them pretty well, the depression one that is. I'm pretty good with staying positive but anxiety has been killing me I swear. So all week I've been stressing out just about every little thing! It's driving me crazy, oh and then on top of that I can't sleep and when I do I have stupid nightmares. So I went to good ol' Wallie word and bought myself some Advil PM so I can sleep. My mom found out and started calling me a drug addict and telling me I'm crazy and how she won't allow druggies in her house. . . . . Seriously? No really, seriously? But even thought it was really stupid that she said that stuff to me-which I might add really hurt my feelings-but she was telling me how I'm going to turn out like my uncle (who of which has a drinking problem among many other things). But really I'm nothing like that but all weeks she's been yelling at me just adding to my already stressful self.

So that all happens,

Fallowing that, tonight after work I go to my grandparents house because their awesome and I love them=) lol But anyway I go down there because their watching my sisters and brother. We leave there around 9:30 and go home to play Glee karaoke on the wii. While were playing we can hear our parents arguing upstairs, you know whatever when don't they fight? But I can tell my dads getting really pissed and of course he comes marching down stairs to tell us to turn off the wii its time for bed and might I add its a weekend so were all not going to bed that early. But we know he's mad so I got to my room to just talk on the phone and chill but he comes in fallowing me telling to turn off my lights and TV and get to sleep. Ummm, no way.

I leave my stuff on and just go upstairs to lay with my mom for awhile and mostly because dad was being mean so we all slowly went to moms room to hide in there because we locked the door. But he still yelled at us to got our rooms and how it was time for bed. Mom told him to leave us alone because well, hello I'm 17 years old and I don't have to go to bed! And she told him to leave the littler kids alone because he was just being mean to them and me to get at my mom.

After that all happens some how it escalated and he was calling her a c*nt and more horrible thins so I went out of my room (I had already brought all four of my siblings in there to get way from their arguing) and told him to shut the hell up because I wont let him talk like that in front of my sisters and brother (who all are eight and under, so young and should not ever hear anyone talk like that). He started screaming at me telling me its all my mom and I want you to know that my dad can be very scary when he wants to be. But he was yelling at me telling me that it was my mom and she was saying stuff (she had been telling him to just leave and that the kids were getting scared). I told him that I understand but that he was to mad and to worked up and that he had to leave and at least calm down for A little while.

He wouldn't and kept getting madder and madder. Mad enough that I was scared something was going to happen, something bad.

I called my grandma, his mom to come get him out of the house and yet he still wouldn't leave no matter what she or I said. But right when she walked in the door he said that it was all my mom and was acting like he was Innocent. OMG he wasn't. He was going crazy but right away he stopped when she walked in. When he wouldn't leave I then called the police (after they were fighting more of course).

So the police came and told him that one of them should leave. But he said my mom was crazy, he was freaking acting like she was the one going crazy! That it wasn't him fault! Are you kidding me? But finally he left saying he was going to go stay with his mom for the night and that he'll be back in the morning. We locked all the doors because we don't want him to come back in the middle of the night.

It was scary. He's scary. And I hated that I had to call the cops. Why can't my mom just for once do it. This is the second time that it's happened. First was when he put me in a headlock and I punched him.-And again he lied telling them things that weren't true. And this time for my mom. Why couldn't she do it? I don't understand why she couldn't just call them. All she did was threaten him yet she still wouldn't call. No, she made me stand there watch them argue, watch my grandma bet him to leave and behind me in my room were my sisters and brother crying scared. What was I suppose to do? What? They, my siblings should never have to see or go through that but they do, every week. I'm done. I wasn't looking for anyone but my siblings because they need protected and if that means I have to be the "adult" then so be it.

It just hurts and sucks because I can't cry or be upset about this. I told them-my siblings that everything is going to "alright". That everything is going to be "okay" and if I start crying then they'll know it's not. So here I am . . . . just got done calling the cops and then painting their figure nails letting them color with crayons at midnight trying to calm them down and now typing this really long journal because I'm about to breakdown and this is my life line at the moment. But here I am playing the adult when I really am just a kid who is just as scared as they are.

Here I am.

(sorry if there's errors but really I don't have the time nor care to fix them at the moment, I was just in a hurry to get this off my chest but I did fix them or the ones that I seen)