Save me from myself...

Kayso i've been having suicidal thoughts for about the last umm lest see 4 years.. Yeah not so good. I've been put on several meds throught the years and well none seem to work. Im currently 14 years old and the urge to kill myself is overbearing. I dont know how much longer i can hold on. See my friends try to help me but noting works. Cutting used to solve everything. I was fine after the blade sliced into my skin. But now, not so much. My doctors tell me im supposed to tell them if my thoughts get worse. I never do. I mean it's so odd. How in the world am i supposed to save me from myself when i cant even stop cutting or keep these damn thoughts away. Im drowning in a sea or sorrow. The black waves of depression grab me by the ankles and pull me under. Did i mention i dont sleep either? Well its true. Im on meds for that too. I lay awake at night thinking to myself why i havent died yet. I think im scared. Isnt everyone. As each days passes it gets harder to be happy and less scary of a thought to kill myslef. I dont know why im telling you this. I guess its just because i need someone to talk to, to confide in. Someone who wont go tell my parents when i cut and pop pills to make the world seem happier. You know? I just feel so alone.. So hopeless. Some days im not even sure if my parents love me. I dont have the urge to go to school. I have no attention span. My only thoughts are how much longer i can hold on. I need someone to help me. But who?