As it comes closer to March, the anniversary of Leo's death, I think of everyone in my life, past and present, and sometimes future. I think of the way I've treated people and brushed them off. But when I look back at it, I realized it was uncalled for and how lucky I was to have them around and have them care about me.
As things change and people change around me, I regret the way things happened. I regret how ungrateful and ignorant I was. I realize that the things that are happening to me now, is like karma. I deserve them running away and getting revenge on me. Because it all comes back down to what I did to them.
There are things, however, that are out of my control. People who helped raise me, and picked up and left without looking back. And I wonder how they can do that, just leave while they helped raise a kid, and not care at all. How easily they left me behind as if I was nothing. And maybe it's true, I didn't mean much. But it shouldn't hurt much either, should it?
Though it hurts to think about Leo around this time, he's teaching me and making me think of everything going on around me, even when he's gone. I wish I'd find someone who'd make my days worth it, like he did. Because lately, I've lost the sense of everything around me. I'm not the happiest one when I'm all alone, like I used to be. I depend on others to make me happy, and not that there's anything wrong with it, but I wasn't always the one to depend on others. And I miss that, the independent part of me. It makes me wonder if I'll ever return that way, or if I'll continue to be the way that I am. As of now, I guess I wish someone would be there for me and show they care, like I used to have those kinds of people in my life.
I wish things were different and the people around me changed.
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