Some days, I don’t feel anything for him. I feel detached and numb on these days, and I can look at him and not feel a thing, I just remember everything he’s done and hasn’t done, and I can’t feel a thing for him. Like he’s just a stranger.
Some days, I hate him so much. I hate him in a bitter way. After all, he never gave me a chance and I’ve wasted years and years on him, when I should be past this already. I hate the way he makes me feel and I feel sick for days afterwards when I see him, a deep ache in my stomach that makes me gag on the words I want to say. I just want to tell him, “I hate you so much for ignoring me and forgetting me and I just really hate you and I want you to know I’ve given up on you.”
Some days, I love him. I love him so much and I’m so proud of him and I want him to do great things. I hope he succeeds and I want to place my hands on his face and tell him how proud I am of him, like I’m his mother. I want him to know he’s perfect and how I know he’ll go far.
Some days, I lust after him. My breath catches in my throat as my eyes follow his bones and lines and I want to touch him. I want to lick his lips and drag my lips across his jaw and run my fingers through his hair and graze my teeth along his shoulders.
And you know what I want the most from him?
A friendship.
Also, I decided not to leave because I have no other site to put my shitty stories and problems up on, so... yeah!
Not registered?
Create an account