Page 07 of 366

Today was a Lovely Day, a Busy Day, & a Rainy Day.

First things first,
i just started with this mibba thing because i wanted to express myself in a place where i am "somehow" anonymous. plus my friends are unavailable in the site, so less stalkers for me! :)
Anyway, i keep a diary where i (used to) diligently write in (like EVERYDAY) but since i started high school, it got less and less and now that i'm a senior i frequently write on it anymore.
i still do but sometimes the days get busier and busier and i don't have the time. Whenever i do, i'd be tired then. so pointless. but i still try to make up for it by remembering those "stuffs" and good ('n bad) 'ole memories :))

Today is actually 4 days away from Prom night (my second prom; i went when i was a junior XD ) and i don't really feel like going.
1. Because i feel fat in my dress though the dress is lovely (thank you seamstress!) (i'm not a fashion freak btw, just insecure i guess),
2. Because i have back problems and underarm skin problems that i cant just get rid of in a week! ( :-( ) and;
3. The guy i like is not coming.

* Sorry if i'd be talking about him in here too much. Its just that i don't want to annoy my friends with conversations that's just filled with him all the time. i know it gets annoying because sometimes they do (hehehe). *

See, there's this guy (i'll call him "Glee"-though the name doesn't even describe him at all.lol) and i like him... but he's not aware of what i feel for him and neither do i have any actual idea of how he feels about me. my teacher said he like me ("cares for me" was what my teacher said that he said) but i don't believe him (my teacher).

You see, i have doubting issues. i doubt almost everything anyone else is saying. i'm afraid to hear lies because they might dissapoint or hurt me. i'm afraid to get hurt. though i lie myself. aren't i a hypocrite?

I don't know what to do actually. However, i feel as if i'm about to burst and my insides are churning because i want to tell so badly but i'm 101% afraid of rejection. Soem boys have this bad habit of avoiding the girl whenever they know that she likes them or something. So, i'm afraid he might do that. I'm also afraid of believing what my friends plus my teacher say that he says about me because...
What if they weren't true? (some of my friends like messing around and misleading you then say "joke!" 2 days later or something) , What if he'd say "do me a favor and don't like me" or something like that. :|
Since Valentines Day is 7 days away, my best friend plans on making our crushes' something (like card or a cake) and give it anonymously. But here i go with the doubting again. the "What if" statements..
What if he didn't like it? What if he threw it away?

i would feel so screwed. :|
i dislike rejection though i'm not the "im gonna kill myself" kind of person. but rejection does leave an open wound which takes time to heal. So, OUCH.

Ahck! What am i doing boring you with all these nonsense issues?
Kudos if you even took time to read.
If you did, a little help? :/
I dont know why i did this anyway, i guess i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings to forget about it soon. This is a habit of mine actually. That's why i kept diaries in the first place (i have 8 XD ).

So, Goodnight. & Good Love! :)))