My journal yesterday but more descriptive....

They tell me they're my friends and that they'll always be there for me. In a way that's true but is it really? I've been putting a lot of thinking into this; maybe too much. I've made myself confused multiple times just thinking about this maybe who ever reads this will give me some advice... My 'friends' are always around me and they never leave me alone. In school they're with me, when I'm on the computer they always comment and/or message me. I mean it seems weird to have people that are close to me. I don't feel like I deserve it. I know that it sounds as though I'm cutting myself down but really I'm not. I don't have a problem with how I am I just don't want to hurt them/ hate them. I've thought that maybe I should just stop talking to them and make it seem as though I do hate them. I've also thought that I should make them hate me or tell them that I want to be alone and they need to stay away from me. But no matter what I plan to do I always end up saying something stupid and doing a whole different thing. I don't know what to do.... plz comment and maybe give me some advice?...