Two years ago I met a boy named Jake. He is the Jake I name my characters after. He is completely bald. He is a 2% that this happens to. Only I am aloud to talk to him about it because....About a month ago my hair started falling out in strange patches. But the signs have been here since I was born. I have an immune system disorder called Alopecia Areata. It is hereditary. Neither of my parents have it. But if I ever wanted kids the gene would be passed. It will never grow to my full head is what my doctor said. It affect a stripe all the way down my scalp. If you grew up with my you would know that I have never had a real hairline. I also have two growing spots of hair lose.Their is a cream for it that I was given. I am the rare one who is allergic to the ingredients. I don't know which but I am. I breaks my head into a bleeding rash that itches really badly. My hair looks oily forever. Ugly.....
You can't see the tears I cry onto my laptop. You can't feel the rip and tug at my heart. I have been known by my long pretty hair but I chopped it away to my chin. I get so emotional because I have never liked myself. I always thought I was ugly but I liked my hair and eyes. Now it is gone. My hair is disappearing and it scares me. I hate looking people in the eyes because I know my eyes show how soft I am. Now I have grown into someone generally pretty and my hair starts attacking itself. I don't understand! Shortly after I told my bestfriend she abandon me. I know it wasn't because of that but the day after I found out why I've been so sick all my friends start disappearing quicker than my hair. I feel like no one could every like or love someone who is going bald. It sounds shallow but it is different for me because I'm a girl. Jake has been through hell but his sister are older than him and tough as nails. They protected him. I have no one. No one even knows I'm sick and I'm scared to tell them but everyone at school is noticing. I'm ugly now. As soon as I start liking myself I'm ugly again. It has spiraled me back into anorexic habits. Suicidal habits. The only two that know and haven't left me is Jake and Katie. I have dated her before and I'm with her now. She makes me happy but at the same time even she doesn't keep all the pain away. I'm so scared of loosing myself when I loose m hair. I'm crying as I type this so much I can't see my keyboard and am glad I have it memorized. Who can love a girl without hair? I am considering getting a wig and cutting it all off so I don't have to watch it waste away with my disease. My mum has cut extra layer after extra layer and it just gets worse and worse. I can't take it. I can't take doing this on my own and I tell my family it doesn't bother me because it shouldn't but it does. I hurts so much. I can't explain it. I feel like in a world were no one remembers my name anymore I could be known as the girl with long pretty hair but not now. Katie says she loves me and is glad it isn't killing me but I don't want to go through our life with people saying "Oh look it is the pretty blonde girl and her girlfriend whose hair is falling out grossly." My balding issue is making me want to be dead like I know I should be. I don't even look in the mirror anymore because I cry every time.
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