Numb.

My arm went numb today. With this numbness I realised my attempts at death were really just an attempt for this simple numbness. Everyday I wake up just to fall back asleep, I do t want to be awake because then I have to face the day, I have to face the bullying, the no one giving a shit about me, wanting to die. I dont see why people like me who are going to end up dead because of their own choice are given life. If God existed he'd give my life to someone who deserved it. To someone who didn't have a choice whether they lived or died. To someone who could do great things but never had a chance. I'm a waste of space, a waste of air, I'm a waste of a body that could've had a greater mind than my own. I've tried to take my life twice now each time someone walking in getting me to throw up or stop the cut going too deep. Hopefully third times lucky. I know when I'm going to do this. I don't know how but I want it to make me feel numb because that's all I've ever wanted, emotional numbness. I want to not care about the teasing, about the bullying. It got too much and now I'm trying to put an end to the problem. The problem my parents didn't want. Don't want. The problem of having to talk to me during class just to be polite. I want eternal numbness. I want not to feel anything. I want not to feel the hurt of living.