Death of me is me

If I live on like this much longer.
In the shadows of old friend's happiness.

I have a friend wanting to kill herself and loves cutting but she is still happier than I am.

I'll die.

My body will give in or I'll take my life,

Please, Please help me...

I don't want to die.
Not really at least.

But I can't take it anymore!

I have a boyfriend now.
But I so scared of rejection I think I'm just making things more complicating than they already are. After all everyone thought I was lesbo and him gay. He is bi but that's it.

I'm seriously considering death now.
I so scared and I even feel alone in a room full of people.
But I'm not lonely when its just me and my head.
I don't understand.
Maybe I'm just crazy....