Dear my "Personal Aki,"

I am so sorry for everything. I feel that this has somehow been all my fault, yet you tell me this is not so. How can that be true? If it were not for me, you would not be in this situation. I allowed you to grow close to me, I fed you the poison and you sipped from it greedily.

We have shared laughter and sadness together. We have shared excitement and disappointment together. Although we have not known each other for a long time, it feels as if we have known each other for quite a while. Some how, we understand each others' pain. We feel each others' sorrow and can bring each other joy.

You tell me you have two secrets, yet you only share one. I am not sure what is more dangerous, the hidden secret or the shared one. Your heart is in two places, my darling, but do not let me have a place there. It is not safe for either of us. I warned you that when someone gets close to me, bad things happen. Can't you see, my dear, that this is what is happening now? We cannot be close for this reason, but I know if I try to keep you far you might spiral downwards, farther into the darkness that you are trapping yourself in.

You say you are "so fucked up," but how can you be? You have emotions, you are given these at birth. I am the puppet master pulling your heart strings by being kind to you, still forever serving you that poison. All of my words are carcinogenic, do not breathe them in, my love.

Why should you want someone like me to be happy? I cause hurt without meaning. You deserve this happiness that you so deny yourself. Do not worry for me, worry for you. Do not put all of your love towards me, but towards yourself. Do not allow yourself to come any closer to my fire for I know I will surely burn you.