Total Confusion

I really like this guy that I met online. He's sweet, and funny, and kind, and gorgeous...and he lives in Ireland, while I'm stuck over here in Michigan. But then there's this other boy, whom I've loved for a really long time, and I don't even know who I want or what I want. I've loved this other boy since last June, but now... my heart's in two different places and it's leaving me empty. What even is wrong with me? Why do I have to be so starved for love, so starved for attention, that I fall for two boys, and neither is anywhere close to where I am? Distance hurts me oh so badly, and it breaks my heart. It makes me want to die sometimes, and other times it just...aches. Like a hollow spot in my chest where my heart used to be.