For My Sister, Who Will Never See This

A friend at school just recently lost his brother in a car accident. I'm sixteen, and so is he. I lost my big sister when I was eleven, and I know what it feels like. You have no idea what to feel, one moment your sad that they're gone, the next you're angry their gone, leaving you all alone in the world, then the next your angry at yourself for being angry at them. When it finally sets in, you're numb. You realize that they're gone, and then you just forget. They start to fade, but you have to hold on to that. I think about her more and more every day now that he lost his big brother too. Today I started crying in my second period, then again in third, and again in night school. It finally set in when I got home though. It's been five years and I still can't go a week without crying. But the part that hurts the most is when I realize I hardly knew my sister at all. She never really got to come around because she lived so far away, but I remember when she came down for Christmas when I was seven. She had this huge box the size of a small refrigerator, and it was filled with presents. She had gotten our mom this nasty smelling Brittany Spears perfume and it had busted in the box and leaked everywhere. Our mom laughed about it, even though it made the living room smell skanky for a week., She had to leave the next morning, so she slept in the eighteen wheeler with my nephew and niece, and my mom told me not to go out there cause they would be leaving early in the morning and I might get taken along and get in trouble. I wanted to go so bad, but I didn't want to get in trouble. My sister came in my room late that night and we went out to the truck and I remember I was so scared I would get in trouble. She told me it would be okay that she would tell mom that she made me. I curled up next to her and didn't go to sleep, I didn't want to miss a moment with her. She woke up early to take me back in the house and I never saw her again. Seven years old. I called her a few years later, when I was in foster care, for mothers day and told her that I loved her. She was so happy I called. Later that year she got in a car accident and an eighteen wheeler crushed every bone in her body. The last person she called was our brother while she was under there, she told him she was sorry and that she wanted him to help her. That was the last thing she said, that she was sorry for dying. I love her so much, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her and wish I could've taken her place. She left behind two beautiful kids that will never see their mom again. I don't care if you don't read this, and if you did, thanks. I just wanted to get that off my chest, It's been dragging me down for a while.
March 9th, 2012 at 02:32am