Dear Ella,

Dear Ella,

I’m writing this to you so that when I die, hopefully not any time soon, I can have no regrets. So that I can die a peaceful death, knowing that I got all this off my chest.

I love you, so much. And, you know what? I’m not really mad anymore. What happened, happened, and being mad or depressed doesn’t help anything. I’ve also been thinking a lot. I said some really mean things, and I probably wasn’t the best friend in the world. But I honestly had thought that you were the one person who could look past that and accept me. Try to help me become a better person. But I was obviously wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad. These are just facts.
You might not wanna hear this stuff but it’s important. The fact that you left me for Quinn hurts, but what really hurts, its knowing that I’m alone in caring. I’m alone in being sad, I am still sad. I do still care, but what really hurts is knowing that you don’t.

But, I’ve also realized that this isn’t the end of the world. I’m gonna make mistakes, and mistakes don’t define you. I’m not a bad person like I thought I was. Neither are you. We all say stupid stuff and we all get heartbroken at one point or another.

What happened, is just water under the bridge. The mistake I made, what we lost, what pain I feel, is just a mountain I have to cross. And the fact that I’m still hurting is just the fact that I’m still climbing. I will get to the top and I will get rid of that awful feeling in my stomach I get when I see you, it will just take time. I just want you to know that I still care. And that if at any time you want to come back to me, then I’m here. Wait, no I’m not. I would love nothing more than to be close like sisters again, but we can’t.

What happened is shaping the person I’m gonna be, and in the end, will make me a better person. I was supposed to say that, and you were supposed to get offended. It is the way it was supposed to happen. We weren’t meant to stay friends and I was meant to get crushed. All the tears I cried and night and during the day at school go towards becoming the stronger person I will become. And you will too. You look strong and happy on the outside Ella, but I know better. I know better because I know you. Half the sleepovers we had were spent crying. You crying. Telling me about the awful things in your life. And how you have to take your “happy pill” every morning or you will cry all day and start screaming at everyone. You also told me about how you’ve cut yourself, and how you tried to make a noose but couldn’t do it. And, most importantly, you told me about your bulimia. You make seem happy to everyone else, but what’s going on, on the inside is a different story. I’d know.

I love you. I care about you and I’m worried about you. Even if you might not like me anymore. I just needed to get these things off my chest.

-The Broken Girl You See Every Day At School
Maddie