A look into a twisted mind.

"As of right now, I don't like anyone, I just need to fix everything in my life before I try and date someone."

As soon as I read those words, I broke. Something in me switched off, and something else switched on. The tears that filled my eyes leaked out, and made their way slowly down my face, dripping off my chin. I was mortified. I am mortified. I swear I think I heard my heart shatter. It sounded like a glass chandelier falling, and shattering into a million pieces.

He's joking. Hehas to be joking. He told you he loved you. He said it over and over. He couldn't have been lying...Was he lying? No way. I won't believe it.

It's over. Everything is over. Everything you've worked so hard for.It's gone. All gone. Give up on him. He doesn't love you. He doesn'twant you. He never did. He lied to you.He lied the whole time. You're sostupid. Why would you believe something like that?Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you.

Those were the inner arguments going on in my head. I bet you can guess which one won. All that going on, plus my killer headache, made things change. I've changed. I'm not the girl you used to know. I'm not the same person I was 3 days ago.

Go on. Ask me what image I see in my head.Blood. Blood red stains on paper skin. Fragments of me everywhere. I'm gone. I'm no more. Thank GOD! I'm no more! It's finally over! The torture is finally over...

A few cars are outside of a funeral home. The people that walk through the doors are wearing black. They're sobbing. It's a closed casket funeral. My picture is on top of the coffin, facing everyone. I'm standing in the shadows, a spirit, screaming and crying, apologizing, wishing I could take it back, take it all back. They're holding each other, crying, trying to talk, trying to see, trying to see if this is reality. It's reality. They keep crying. My mother is hugging Sheena, they're crying. Josh, Derrick, Mamaw, Papaw, Nah Nah, Daddy, Gathan, Bethann, Rachel, Kitty, and more. Everyone is there. Torn into pieces, grief stricken. I reach out. I can't hug them, or hold them, or tell them I'm here! I'm here! Look harder! Don't cry! I'm sorry! PLEASE God, bring me back! I need them. I can't bare to see them crying! No! I'm sorry! Let me take it back! Let me take it back... My sweet, angel of a baby brother... My daddy, the best one in the world. My mommy, the best in the world. My grandparents, who practically raised me. My best friends. They're all there. I just want to reach out and hug them and tell them that I love them. I'm dead. They all say their words. Some fall to their knees.

"I love you!' I scream.

They can't hear me... Why..? Why did I have to do that? Why?

See that? That, up there. I never want that to happen. I can't leave them. So all I can do is endure the pain. I might bleed. But I'll be alive, right? There for them, right? I love them. I love them all so much.

So, I'll just keep hoping that things get better, because that's all I can do. I can't leave them. I love them. Some need me.