Maybe
Maybe
Maybe
My life is full of maybes lately.
Insanity is lurking in the back of my mind again. "Again". I say it so naturally, like its all I've ever known. I don't think that's a good thing.
I keep having weird dreams lately. The dream I had on Thursday March 29th hit me pretty hard. Do you remember yet? The dream started off with me realising that I had died. Well, I didn't die just right then at that moment, no. In my dream I had gone through with killing myself in grade 9 (about 3 years ago). Dark times indeed. Instead of having second thoughts(like I did in reality), I went through with it, but the thing is, my soul didn't know I had died. The trauma of sudenly being whisked away from a nice little snug life full of unnessesary bullshit was too much for my soul, so it made a new reality where nothing happened. Nothing, zero, everything went back to normal. I go through with living my little drama filled life when I realise out of the blue
"Holy shit, I'm dead"
I did it!
I'm dead
Holy Shit, why was I so stupid?
The world around me crumbles and i'm suddenly being whisked upwards.
Cliche, right?
I get to this place, It was like the gateway almost. I go to pass on but I'm told that i'm not allowed in. So I sit there, outside the gate and wait for the ones I know to pass through. I feel like a puppy when I see someone I know. I keep them company and comfort them until they are let through.
"I've missed you"
My dream ends with me realising I'm not going to see anyone else that I know.
My heart hurts.
The gates finally open for me and I look up to see everything I've ever loved.
"I've missed you so much"
Reality is weird.
Actually, let me rephrase that.
Life is weird.
