I keep complaining how lonely I am yet I'm still avoiding all my friends...

Seriously though, this weekend I've hung out with everyone I know but my best friends.

And yeah, I had a lot of fun with the people I did see this weekend but it's not the same hanging out with people that you're friends with but not very close with, and hanging out with your best friends. I don't know though, it was almost refreshing hanging out with new people though. I act differently with different people, and I guess it was nice not getting holed up into one little group with my regular friends who tend to isolate themselves.

But at the same time I'm sitting here now wondering why they don't give a sh*t that I'm not with them. It sounds selfish and childish but I guess I just want them to notice that I'm gone.

Lately it's just been hard being with them. I just feel like indifferent towards them I guess. Little things that they do have just been starting to bother me. Like about a week ago one of them was talking to me about another girl in our grade that we're not really friends with and how horrible it was that none of her friends did anything for her birthday or even said happy birthday to her. My friend was like, "Yeah I know I'd be really upset."

And I just felt like I was going to cry because they didn't do a thing for my birthday. One of them texted me to tell me happy birthday, but that was it. And we usually all do this thing where we make each other giant birthday cards by hand, but I didn't get one. And two weeks later it was one of our best friend's birthday, and everyone made her a card.

It's probably my own fault though because I act like it doesn't bother me and nothing's wrong, so why should they think anything's wrong? But at the same time why do I have to act upset before they even realize that what they're doing is hurting my feelings? Whenever the same thing is done to them it's the biggest deal on the planet. And they're always talking about how we're the only friend group in the school that doesn't stab each other in the back, which is true. But they just make me feel like shit instead half the time.

I need new friends but at the same time I don't want them.

Akhaw;gihwar;awew I hate these kind of moods. Alright, I'm done rambling about this now.

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If anyone is ever looking for really good music, the Coldplay station on Pandora is amazing. It's perfect for writing and for rainy Sunday nights. The only thing is it puts me in the mood to not do anything at all, so if you have something important to get done don't listen to it xD