I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend And you know that accidents can happen And it's okay,

So I finally did it. I got my first tattoo. It's of the Sixx:AM smiley with Sixx:AM under it. It cost me $10 , my friend did it, and she did a damn good job. Now I would've loved to have a My Chemical Romance related tattoo as my first, but I want that tattoo to be professionally done. Now when I say that it doesn't mean I love Sixx:AM less. Because Sixx:AM has helped me many many times, it's just that My Chemical Romance Saved my life.

I got it and I'm extremely happy with it. I know I'll never regret it. I got it done on the inside of my left wrist. See Sixx:AM has helped me. I listened to them before and I liked the band. One time when I was battling my addiction of cutting and trying to quit. After six months of not cutting, I broke down and relapsed. For some reason the next day I listened to "Accidents can happen." by them. It made me realize, even though I relapsed for one day and I had an "Accident", I could still stop and quit. So when ever I feel the need to cut, and My Chemical Romance isn't enough, I play Sixx:AM. I start with "Accidents can happen" "Life is Beautiful" "Tomorrow" and then listen to what ever song by them I want to listen to next.

So my tattoo isn't just a smiley. It's a symbol showing me that I shouldn't give up, it's going to take some time, and they are there because they know I need a friend. It's also a symbol that I'm not my skin, I'm not my scars. It's a symbol that gives me hope and strength.

Now if only my parents can see it that way. They blew up. My mom shouted and yelled at me for thirty minutes when I came home with it. Now my mother that's not the major problem, because of the following reasons:

1. Our relationship is already broken, nothing can fix it, and it will just keep falling apart till it's no longer there. Now I've tried to rebuild our mother-daughter relationship but she refuses to meet me halfway and I can't rebuild it on my own. It's quite sad that you have a better relationship with your step-mother, she accepts you more, and trues to understand you.

2. Because of out broken and continuing to break relationship, I don't value her opinion as highly as I should.

3. Because I know she'll never understand me. I know I'll never be the daughter she wanted. I know that anything I do that expresses me will be wrong to her.

Now the problem is I think my Dad and Step-mom are dissapointed in me. I know when I see them and try to explain why I got it. My dad won't see it like I do and My step-mom won't especially while she's upset about it, but I believe that after awhile she will see it or at least try to see it. I think once I explain to her and come clean about cutting and how much this tattoo means to me she'll maybe not fully understand but she will understand a bit.

Is it wrong of me to care more about my step-mom a woman I see less than my mom? I mean I have a few happy memories with my own mom, but I have more bad memories than good with her. But with my step-mom I barely have any bad memories and more good memories. It's like this woman that's only related to me by marriage, is a mother. While the woman that gave birth to me is the "evil" step-mother.

Here's a list that I think my mother should do but it's my step-mom that does it.
1.She tries to understand me. She tries to understand the music, clothes, books, and etc that I like.

2.She may not like what I wear, listen to, or do, but she accepts that it's me. She doesn't try to change me. She tells me her opinion on it but is like" I don't like it or get it, but you do and as long as you're happy then it's good."

3. She talks to me. She listens to what I have to say. Tells me her opinion and where she thinks I'm wrong, and she gives her advice on it.

4.She knows I'm not perfect and I never will be. She knows and wants me to be me.

There's many more to list but I don't feel like listening them at the moment.

My Step-mom is a friend to me, but a mother to me first. I know I can joke, talk, laugh, and cry with her. And I know I can go to her for advice on anything, or go to her for comfort when needed.