Life sucks.

I've self diagnosed myself with some sort of anxiety disorder. I get so nervous when I'm forced to go out into public. It's gotten quite bad over the past few months. I don't know why. It's really terrible.

I don't know why I've taken to writing this into a journal either. It's not like this would help me in my situation at all. I guess, I'll take this opportunity to complain about all the awful things I'm feeling right now.

Have you ever felt disconnected from everything? I just feel like i'm alone, for lack of a better word, like there's nothing that exists outside of myself and this room I've been in for the past few days. I can honestly say that i'm probably depressed and suffering from some major social anxiety. I really do want to hang out with people and do normal things but, after I've managed to work up the courage to make plans with people, I find some way to back out of them. The thought of leaving my room makes me feel very uneasy sometimes. There has got to be something wrong with me.

All this social anxiety crap hasn't really helped me in the least bit in the friend department either. College sucks when you don't have any close friends. Seriously. The few friends that I had coming into college last fall don't talk to me anymore, they were horrible friends though. I don't necessarily miss them but, I miss hanging out with someone. I have a few acquaintances that I could possibly hang out with more but, the anxiety crap kind of screw me with that.

Ugh, I'm messed up. I just want to go home where I can be weird and hang out with my brother and not feel horrible all the time. He knows how messed up I am and he couldn't care less, everything is just better when he's around. I guess, he's just one "friend" that I can always count on.

Which is kind of sad, I've really gone down hill. I used to at least have three people I'd hang out with and consider possible best friends. What is my life.

I'm really dependent on people. I'm probably the least independent person ever. Also, I'd just like to point out that my "love life" sucks too. I'm wallowing in all the crap things in my life tonight. Can I just get drunk and/or high, then call someone and tell them all my problems? That would make everything just a bit better, if only for a little bit.

I just want someone to talk to, I’d tell them all my minuscule problems and let them laugh about me.