And This Is What Happens When The Universe Gets Up And Walks Away.

Now I'm nothing again..
How are you today, Anna?
No one knows..
You don't know..
You don't ask..
It doesn't matter anymore..
I'm falling apart again...
I'm tired.
I don't have you..
Who are you..
I miss my best friend..
I wish you still wanted me.. like I need you.
Oh, God do I miss you.

I miss being happy.. I'm ready to give up again.
I'm glad I could be there for you when you were lonely.. But only then... When you were lonely enough to want me.

Wouldn't you figure I'm too fragile for games..
Clearly that's not the case..
I don't know you anymore..
I thought I did.. Better than anyone did..
Was it just lies?
Or am I now on the other side of your walls once again..
What happened to me.. to us.. to you... ?
Obviously... You're everything your insecurities insisted..

I only mattered.. Well, when I mattered..
But now I suddenly don't..
And it's like you don't even care enough to care at all..

So, thank you for taking my hand, and leading me into the sweet, convivial sensations.. Showing me the passion you not only felt for me, but for irrefutable euphoria.. Thank you for taking me in.. Making me feel wanted... Making me want and grow to adore the person hidden far beyond the conservative margins you fight so hard to contest.

You showed my heart warmth.. Trust... and I gave it to you.. I gave everything to you..
Because... I wanted you..
Then.... It all ended..
And so abruptly.
One minute I was everything..
The next I was in the way..
I can't say I don't understand...
I can't say you confuse me....
Because, honestly...
I thought I knew you well enough to.. to...
Trust that you wouldn't do this to me... That maybe, just maybe... You really meant the words you spoke.. stood by them.. and loved me too..
You don't even know how much you mean to me..
You don't fucking understand..
Why do you have to be so cruel to me....?
Why don't you see what you've done to my heart... to my soul.. my well being... Do you even fucking care how broken I am right now..?
You don't even see it...
Because you're fine... What's wrong with you..
What happened to you...
Why...........?
How could you be so selfish? Could you not even bother to let me down easily? Spare my emotions?
If your excuse is it could've never worked, why did you humor me for the months that you swore it would?
To see how oblivious you are..
To see how much you continue to take from me... Without even assessing how I'm feeling.. How this entire thing has destroyed me..
My heart bursts, and bleeds..
My eyes pool.. I can't think.. I can't breathe.. I can't speak...
You have ruined me..
But I don't say a word... Do I?
I can't risk losing the most important person in my world...
Even if he's beaten and bruised, toyed and used me..
I can't say a word..
I can't... can't risk losing you....
Because even though it extinguishes a little more of my silly, happy soul every time you say my name...
I don't know what I'd do if you never said it again..
I need you too much...

I guess I deserve this...
Now I truly know what it feels like to be the only one in love..