Baby, Look at Me, and Tell Me What You See.

So, tonight is our school's final performance of "Fame." Pretty psyched. I've had a rough time with this musical. I'm playing in the band instead of being on stage, which isn't a big deal to me. But, we had some technical problems this year.
So, we had to cut instruments and parts.
That really sucked because my main instrument for this show (my main instrument in general: flute) hardly had anything to play to begin with.
Originally, there was a bit of drama getting people to split up the parts, there are four flutes in the pit. Two of them are actually students and the school. Two are "professionals." They get paid to be there, but one of them had said she'd do it for free, as a volunteer: she'll get to come back next year. The other kind of bosses us around, understandable considering she's a woman and much older and more experienced, but it kind of sucked. I feel like I'm not participating in my own high school's musical. Not her musical, our school's. Either way, she and my mom are friends and I've known her since I was in Kindergarten and her kids are much older than me, but they were on my bus. And, she lives up the street. She's super duper nice, I just am being a bitch, I'll admit that. I really love working with her, she just has to be in charge of everything: it's a control thing. And, I really don't like being told what to do. I will listen to suggestion and criticism, but not "okay, we're leaving now because we all have to tune" or "come back here, I don't care if you're doing make-up for the actors." Okay, I showed up on time. I tuned. Because she's always sharp, she tells me I'm sharp. Actually, I'm usually flat so I know I'm not sharp. I'm either flat or on key, more often flat.
But, anyhow...
Next year I'm either playing clarinet, or I'm not going to be in the band I'll be on the stage.
Entertainment is my thing. I'm that girl who hates attention, but all eyes have to be on her when she wants them. Yeah, I'll admit, I'm a little self-absorbed when it comes to acting or music, but oh well. I was raised taking acting and vocal lessons as well as lessons for multiple instruments. I'm never going to make it pro, I'll never give myself the chance because I'm too practical, but this is all I know. I was in after school acting classes for the longest time. I was in vocal lessons until fourth grade when I decided I preferred flute and my mom finally let me take flute lessons. I'm not the most talented being on the face of this earth...
But, I know what talent is. It might not be me, but I know it when I hear it.
So, I leave you, not with the lyrics to There She Goes/Fame, which I should do, but:

Top Rules of The High School Entertainment Industry:

1. No one is your friend. Trust no one, love no one, believe no one.

2. If you don’t have anything nice to say, wait until you can say it behind their back or on twitter.

3. Play the good guy, even when it’s your fault, you have to be seen as the good guy.

4. Kiss up. Play innocent. Be the that adorable face no one can pin blame on.

5. If you’re not doing drugs, barfing in the bathroom/not eating, or have some other problem, you’re that person that everyone hates for being able to handle their life so “perfectly.” (Not like anyone would like you anyway, darling.)

6. You’re never good enough, be fucking better.

7. Put everyone down.

8. Surround yourself with kiss-ass people who will praise you. You need an ego.

9. Don’t let anyone know you’re insecure or doubtful, all they’re allowed to see is some self-absorbed bitch/dick. You have to come off as egotistical else no one else can believe you.

10. You’re always right and no one can do better than you. They pass you up, it’s their loss.

;)