weight loss

i’ve never been thin. i was a big baby, i was a big toddler, a big child, a big preteen, and a big teenager. being said, i do have big boobs too which i CAN blame on genes. i mean seriously, how else would i have NATURAL 36GG tits?

like Shane Dawson says, being fat means you deal with a lot of things thin people don’t. you spend your whole life trying to avoid situations.

the second part is very true. i DREAD the pool. i haven’t been to Ocean City (or any other beach) in TWELVE years. i cry when driving to school because the desks are wooden and connected and yes, it’s sometimes hard for me to sit in them because my belly and boobs get squished.

do you know what it’s like being told Forever 21, A&F, Hollister, etc. don’t sell your size because you’re too big? do you know what it’s like to have to spend $50-$75 on one pair of jeans because you need more material? do you know what it’s like to own 20 sweatshirts because they’re the only thing that fits? do you know how hard it is to make friends because you’re scared people won’t want to be around you?

but losing 100 pounds would mean the world to me. knowing that my family was wrong in saying that my “genes” made me fat.

being 130 pounds would make me happy. why? good question. i finally want to be noticed. not by guys so i can get laid and all that fun stuff. i want people to be like ‘wow, she did something that i never thought she could do.’ i want people to finally see ME- not my muffin top, or my huge thunder thighs, or my fat rolls. i want people to regret making fat jokes about me.

but why 130? well, i’ve done research that determines that based on my height (and after talking to my doctor), 130 would be a healthy weight for me.

“but being thin won’t solve my problems” - true. being thin won’t make me smarter. being thin won’t make my clinical depression go away. being thin won’t make my father un-disown me. but you know what? i know that. but it will make it so that one less problem is on my shoulders.