The Day After it All went to hell

I've changed my mind. I haven't even moved out yet and I miss him already. He just doesn't make any sense, I can't get my head around what he says to me. I've spent the whole weekend trying to make myself understand, and I can't. I've given up. Obviously I did something wether he wants to admit it or not, because everything he says points to someone who is trying not to say anything else you don't want to hear. Only makes it worse, really. I didn't think work would be that bad because it's not like it takes much to do what I do anyway, but I've already heard four songs on the radio that make me think of him and of all the damn days for them to call, three patients have called that have names similar to people in shows he watches or movies he likes. How lame. I sat at my computer desk yesterday and stared at my monitor for twenty minutes before I remembered what I was doing. I don't want to be like I was when Justin and I broke up, because I spent 90% of my time lying on the couch starng into space for hours or sleeping for thirteen hours straight. I was just geting over my hardcore depression. As in didn't need medication any more. I can't imagine what it will take to fight that all over again. And it wil come, because I can see the start of the cycle...and there' s nothing I can do about it. No matter what I tel myself or what anyone else says...fuck it all, man. Why bother anymore? If I never see another guy in my life that I find attractive, I'll be doing myself a favor. It's like playing Call of Cthulu (I know thats wrong, sorry) where you either die or go insane: Either he's going to cheat or I'll just fuc it up anyway. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. And Fuck.
March 5th, 2007 at 07:00pm