Aren't you?

Repetition is a factor of life; it is, to put it bluntly, unavoidable. Though, it's not always the same things repeating. My life is repetitive. I never go out; no one ever comes here. I'm stuck in the same old cycle because I don't have the social skills to get out of it. I'm stuck in a rut, and there's only one thing here with me. And that one thing is loneliness. Loneliness and I have become very well acquainted in the past eight months. Most people would probably go absolutely crazy in a situation like mine because they can't stand seeing the same people all the time, or, seeing nobody at all.

I tend to shy away from making friends because I don't like setting myself up for disappointment. I made the mistake of opening up to someone recently. It was, as I had thought, a very bad idea because I was completely disappointed by what happened. I knew that there was a reason I stayed to myself, and it's because people are mean to each other, or, maybe people are just mean to me, because nobody wanted to sit with me in the computer lab, but that was expected.

I don't like setting myself up for disappointment because I know that's how everything will end eventually. I miss being able to go and be the outgoing person I used to be like five years ago. I miss having the ability to do anything I want. Yeah, it may look on the outside like I'm outgoing, but I really can't stand talking to people that I don't like, or that just aren't. Aren't right. But not in an intellectual way; I mean to say that if you aren't, then we won't get along or I'm too afraid to talk to you because of the growing fear I will embarrass myself yet again.

I am my own best friend. I am not ashamed to say that I find I feel best when I am talking to me, and not somebody else because I am the only one who really truly understands any situation I have experienced. And a lot of people don't like that I do that, just like how they don't like the way I have pierced my own ears, but I guess that means that they just aren't.

Just some words that needed to be put down.