Mind Control

Today I actually cried with my mother. We normally don't talk about my brother's death and try to avoid it most of the time. But today was different. We started talking about my father and how he refuses to do to therapy with my mother. He feels that no one wants to listen to him talk about his dead son. I really don't blame him at all. The man just lost his son in February and his father the month before that. Since then my mother put me into counseling sessions and now I'm taking Zoloft like it was candy. I can tell I’m getting addicted to this crap.

I don't think the Zoloft is working. I feel more depressed and so over the edge then I was without it. But I can't let go of it. I want to stay in its safe cocoon of beloved pain and silent sorrow. I feel as if I need to feel alive, and if I go cold turkey I'm bound to die. My appetite as gone since then, along with my sleep and feelings. I no longer feel like the same girl I was before. I feel like they have created a monster of me, a lap rat if you will. I just hope I don’t get stuck with it for the rest of my life, just feeding off it’s mental poison. I just wish to find a way out.