Drugs and Booze, Sweat and Cigarettes

Sometimes I think I'm too old for all this crap.
Then again I think otherwise and I'll get drunk in a bar and someone has to get me home safely around four in the morning.
Well, all the fun is great, then you wake up with a massive headache and bits and pieces of yourself reek of alcohol, drugs and smoke. Sometimes there's even people in your living room that crashed for the night, but hey that's alright.
The first thing you do is take a shower to get the nasty smell out of your hair.
Then probably pick all the items of clothing from the floor you tossed around last night while undressing, and cram them in the washing machine.
Coffee is always a warm welcome when you feel like shit. Maybe a cigarette and you start to come back to your senses a little...

But who am I kidding?
This kind of living wears me out and I feel like shit most of the times.
Lungs burning of the large amounts of smoke that had entered your body; and a nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach due to all the different kinds of drinks you had been consuming.
I like to party, I like to do drugs and I find it relaxing to drink with my friends.
But is it a wise thing to keep doing?

I ask myself that question a dozen times, and everyday the answer's different.
I mean I don't know if it's wise.. Hell I don't think I did anything I can call wise ever.
It's just the routine that keeps me going, like a record that's on its end and keeps repeating the sound of the needle that scratches against the label. Ever day I play the same record again, I go to school, I meet my friends, we do stupid things, I rebel a little, we get alcohol from somewhere and we end up in a bar.
I'm ought to be wise and responsible for everything that I do.
And sure, I'm responsible for what I say and do, does that also include I'm responsible for what I think?
I don't think I am.

I express myself throughout my clothing.
I mean, I can be just normal in a pair of jeans and a simple shirt like I'm expected to be wearing.
I'm a damn art teacher for crying out loud. I've got a presentable function in society.
I don't like it that my freedom suddenly has boundaries, but I must if I want to keep a job.

When I'm in my free time I dress up like an 80's punk chick and rock out to whatever plays in my cd player.
It makes me feel comfortable, and I know people stare at me for it.
But that's just how I am. I'm not a mainstream girl that likes all the new crap on MTV.
I even openly despise it.
It has crappy music, I don't care if you're sixteen and pregnant; and please don't get me started on Jersey Shore..

Even when I dress 'normal', you can't get the punk out of me. It's just in there, ready to be awakened when it wants to. Ready to express all that rage that has been forming inside of me for years.
Like a bubble that's about to burst.
And it's not that I'm angry at someone in particular, I'm just angry at the things that happen around me.
The prejudiced minds, the snappy comments behind my back, the continuous death glares of people that don't understand my way of thinking. The politics that just don't seem to work because they fucked it up real good.
And then they say: "So? What are you going to do about it?"
And then I just want to say I go out and protest, write a song and publish it on the net, make as many people as possible aware of what's happening around them, scream it at everybody who's listening.
But in the end it doesn't matter anyway.
It doesn't matter how much you try, they're not going to listen to some girl that has a mind of her own.
And sadly it just makes me feel miserable.

So then I'll just end up in that same bar again, drinking myself into a delirium while laughing stupidly at comments from my friends, and then I feel too old for this crap again.