Whelp he's gone :(

"I know this girl named Lacy. She is a loser but she is awesome and I love her."
That's what he wrote in his paper.

I can't deny what I'm feeling. I love this boy more than anyone else. I try to tell myself that its not true because I don't one to be one of "those" girls who fell for the most popular boy in school. That's not me. That's not who I am.

No one understands our relationship. No one even tries to.
All of my friends think he's a jerk.
He is...
But that still isn't enough to make me stop loving him.
He's incredibly mean to me sometimes and flirts with girls right in front of me.
But then he'll tell me that he loves me and doesn't mean the things that he actually does.
I'm not just making this up.
This connection.
I know he feels it too.
He always says what I'm thinking.
It's like I've known him forever and I understand every part of him. We think exactly alike.
have you ever met someone that makes you soooo f**king happy for no exact reason. When you see them you actually have to control yourself from bursting with excitement. You're always thinking about them without even noticing it. Everything reminds you of them. Do you find yourself looking for them everywhere?
That's how I feel.
I can't explain it.
He's my best friend.
At times like this I love him so much I could die.
Like I said before I could care less if we are never "together" together but I just want to be around him. I want to stay friends forever. I don't want to become strangers. I don't think I can handle it.
I don't think anyone else can make me feel this way. There is no one else in the world quite like him.
I just want him to be happy.

He left this morning and for the last week I've been dreading this day. I knew I wouldn't be able to see him off so I sent him a text.
I told him to have fun and not to forget about me in college.
I had been watching people on twitter wish him good luck and write about how they were so sad to see him go. Some people were crying and others just did the ole "Congratulations". He just replied to the them with "thanks i'll miss you too."
It was bitter sweet. I'm so proud of him so I can't really be sad. I know we'll see each other again.
I sent him "Have fun in college loser."
I meant loser in the most loving way.
We joked around and he wrote "I'm going to seriously hit you up when i'm watching Spongebob. It always reminds me of you. I'm going to miss you too (and i actually mean this one)"
You have no idea how happy that made me. I felt like a fan girl...it was weird.
I don't know what to feel now.
I don't think it's sunk in yet.
If you've ever been in this situation then you understand. Nothing hurts worst than loving someone who doesn't love you back the same way.
I know he's gonna go to college and slowly start drifting away from me.
I'll live for the holidays and summer when he comes home.
It's going to kill me but one day I'll wake up and I'll realize that I'm over him.
But I still will always be thee for him
and he'll always be my first love.

P.S. i wrote a journal or blog entry or whatever it is now about him a while ago titled soul mates or something and you would probably this one more if you read it. just saying.