School bathrooms

My counselor at school has been really annoying me. I know it's her job and everything to do it but... grr.

A while ago the secretary at school changed my name in the school computers (which affects things like attendance and what name I check out books as, ect.) to my preferred name. I was really happy when the next semester came and my new teachers asked if a Miles Hayes was present and refer to me as a male, even when they knew last year I identified as female. The students caught on very quickly and have been pretty good about using the correct name and pronouns. In general, awesomeness.

One day my counselor brought me out of English to talk about my name. She asked if I really am FTM, if I was comfortable about my name change at the school, and if I was being bullied. Yes, super yes, and no. Then the issue came on about what bathroom I would use.

Out of instinct I had been using the female washrooms and at that point had recently started to be using the male washrooms regularly. She said that I couldn't use the boy washroom because there's a formality about it that wouldn't be done until about school year. She wouldn't explain to me why, or what the formality is about. It wasn't like I wanted to go to the boys gym class or anything; it's a bathroom! It was really irritating. She said that as an alternative I could take a key to the boy washroom in a former staff rooms now used for student club meetings. She acted as if just using a bathroom out of the way that not many people used should satisfy me. No it won't!

I want to be treated as any other boy and she didn't seem to understand that. I took the key but I haven't used the bathroom in the room it opens. I've been using the boy bathrooms without telling her. I've told her how dysphoric using the girls bathroom makes me feel but she didn't seem to care.

It's really frustrating, gah.

And summers coming up, which means heat and desperately want to go bare-shirted but not being able to on account of breasts. Heat also means being forced to go to the beach. Which means female bathing suits. And, contrary to what my dad thought, wearing a shirt over it doesn’t make it any better. At least, unlike my counselor, he dosen't say that he 'knows' what gender dysphoria is like.

I usually don't feel this dysphoric. Man this sucks.