Just a little rant I need to get out there :)

It's hard to talk about love when you're not in it. Maybe it's easier when you've never experienced it, but then you don't realize that there are bad times. When you've loved but lost, all you really remember is the pain it brought. The only time you can accurately describe love is when you're in it.
I miss being in it.
I miss loving and being loved.
I miss him. I miss the way he would hold me and I miss his smile. There's no way to describe his smile, it just warmed you up. It made everything ok. I miss his laugh, I miss the way he would play with my hair. I miss the way he used to look at me and tell me how beautiful I was, especially when we both know that I'm not. I miss the way he would walk me home, and I miss the way we could just be together without saying anything. I miss his kisses, I miss his presence. I miss watching movies and tv shows with him. I miss sitting round smoking weed with him. I miss sharing cigarettes with him. I miss wearing his jumpers. I miss holding his hand. I miss not being able to wear shoes with heels because I would be taller than him. I miss missing him when I go away and knowing he missed me too. I miss his texts. I miss the way I could call him whenever I wanted. I miss staring into his pretty green eyes. I miss talking sense into him when he was sad.
God, it's been a month and I still miss him so much it hurts.
When I was with him it just felt right. Everything felt like it was right. Like it was ok. I know it was a stupid, childish notion. But I thought he might be the one. He was so kind and respectful. He could be selfish, but I didn't mind that. I wanted him to be selfish with me. I even miss our fights and when he would make me cry.
My chest hurts, there's a knot in my throat. My eyes are pricking with tears.
Why couldn't he love me?
Were we so wrong for each other?
I miss being scared of the movies he made me watch and burring my face in his chest, shaking with tears in my eyes. I miss the way he would kiss my forehead. I miss feeling his hands dig into my skin as we made love. I miss making love to him. miss being his girl.
Why does it still hurt so bad?
How did I not see he wasn't happy?
Maybe denial is the easiest way to cope, but it makes the letting go so much harder. Maybe life would be easier if we never loved at all. Would life be as fulfilling if we never loved though?
I still sit and wonder if he ever sits and misses me. Does he ever think, I shouldn't have let her go? Or am I someone he wishes he had never met.
Sometimes I wish I had never met him and that I could forget all the times he made me cry, and all the times we made mistakes or hurt each other. But I don't want to forget. I want to remember. I don't want to let go. But is forgetting the same as letting go?
With time, things should get easier.
But how much time will I need?