A Crappy Year.

I decided to write this one because, well I had to write it down somewhere my parents wouldn't find it and this seemed like the safest place. It's not a huge secret or anything they just never take me seriously with this stuff, it's always "Stop being so over dramatic" and stuff. :P Parents eh.

Anyway. This years been pretty crap for me. I've had four family deaths in the space of a month, although one wasn't actually related, and things just keep getting worse. The first was my hamster Snowball. She got nerve damage after a dislocated hip which caused her bladder to stop working. She had to be put down. Second was my cat Mildred. She had cancer between her lungs but her kidney's failed and so she had to be put down. Then there was my Granny Laird who died very suddenly with no one there with her. We got a phone call from the hospital (she lived an hour away) saying that she wasn't responding to treatment, five minutes later they rang again and she had died. We didn't even know she was ill. Finally there was my best mate Amy's Dad. He'd had bone cancer for a while and died over night. I didn't cry at my Granny Laird's funeral but Tom's got me going.

Anyway. The worst had to be Mildred's. You see we've had her since she was a kitten. She was Mum and Dad's first pet and lived until she was 18, almost 19. She was my best friend. She always stayed in my room at night and made me feel better when I was sad or ill. She will always be my best friend and now that she's gone things just aren't the same.

Since she's been gone I've been longing for something to look after. I found a baby squirrel in March, on it's own, but my Mum told me to leave it as it's Mum would be near by. So I did and said I'd go back in 2 hours to make sure it's gone. Problem is my Dad didn't let me go, saying it was too dangerous to go on my own and refused to go with me. When I went, first thing in the morning, the baby squirrel was dead, curled up under some leaves. It still almost brings me to tears thinking about it now. It made it worse that there had been a thunderstorm that night.

I've been looking for redemption ever since. I need something to look after. Something to make me feel better. But every time something comes up it doesn't work out. We had a baby starling in but it's injuries were too much and it died. I've wanted a new kitten too. Something to take my mind off of it. But I'm not allowed. I even said I'd pay for it all myself. But still no.

Anyway it might sound crazy but I need something before I go completely mad. Who knows, maybe something will come up. But I feel completely empty without Mildred here. She's in an urn in front of me. I can see her and sit with her any time I want but it's not the same ya know.

SORRY for being depressive. But it's one of those days today. Keep tuned for a happy one.