Graduation

Yesterday was the day that I graduated. I have to admit, when I walked into that building I was a nervous wreck! I would constantly ask my cousin, Aaron, if I was doing things right. We were all lined up in the back getting ready to walk out. I accidentally brought a white collar that I was not supposed to bring and I didn't have any pockets either. So I asked my cousin if I can put it in his pockets, he held up his gown as I stuffed this thing in his pocket. I have to admit this might have looked wrong and sadly a photographer took a picture of this... how embarrassing. Anyways, the whole entire graduation ceremony went surprisingly well! I did not make any mistakes and everything went smoothly. It was a happy time. It wasn't until after the actual commencement when things started to get bad.

I went to have a congratulation lunch at Olive Garden with my mom, grandma (on father's side), and two cousins (also on my father's side). One of my cousins, who I will call "C" on here, is about 65 and lost her mother about a month ago. Of course I know its something hard to get over and that it would take a lot more than a month to get over. Well, I didn't know she was going to be at my lunch because I only met her twice in my whole life. I never really talked to her or spent time with her ever, but my grandmother thought it be nice to take her out of the house and into a happy environment. Which was fine, I didn't mind as long as everyone is happy. I was excited to tell everyone my future goals and plans, I was excited to have my family ask me questions about things. I never was in the spotlight in my Dad's side of the family. It was because I was the only mixed child in the family. Everyone revolved around my two cousins Matt and David. I was smarter than them, and I accomplished a lot more than them but no one ever acknowledge me. So when they moved away, I was excited that maybe they would pay attention to me and tell me that they were proud of me. I was wrong...
The lunch started like this, the first thing "C" said was not to me, but to my mom asking how my Halmonie (korean grandmother) was doing. My mom said she was good and hanging in there. "C" then started to cry, like bawling cry. I felt bad and we were all like oh its okay, don't cry. My grandma then said "Don't cry, this lunch was meant to make you happy and to show that you are loved". This took me back a little. My grandmother basically just said that this lunch wasn't for me. I brushed that off and ordered my food. I was still waiting for someone to congratulate me or to ask me about my plans. I smiled and looked around the table trying to hint that I wanted to be talked to. Instead "C" constantly talked about her life. She talked about when she was a little girl and now. Everyone asked her questions and talked to her. I just sat there and realized that this wasn't a congratulation lunch for me, this was a pity lunch for "C". I was upset because for once, I thought that side of the family would take interest in me. Our food finally came, and my mom ordered calamari as her meal. My dad's side of the family was like what is that? We told them it was fried squid and they automatically gave us a weird look. My mom offered them some and they all refused to even try it. "C" said, "I don't understand why you people eat such unnatural things". Even my grandmother was like "That is disgusting how could you possibly try such a thing?". It made my mom and me feel very uncomfortable. The rest of the lunch was basically "C" still talking and showing all her pictures to everyone while I sat in the corner. I literally didn't say more than two sentences the whole time we were there. We then left to go home. The ride there my mom constantly apologized to me saying that she didn't know that everything was going to happen. She said she was sorry that my lunch turned into "C"s lunch. My dad was furious as well. He knows his family looks down on me and was very mad that his mom brought "C" because they both knew that would happen if she did. My Dad said he would take me somewhere with him and mom and have a real congratulation meal together later this week. When I got home, I was ready to just talked to my boyfriend. He called me and we talked for a bit and I was trying to tell him about what happened at lunch but he interrupted my story with a very irrelevant question. I answered him though, and then I asked if I could finish my story and he said I'm good, meaning he didn't want to hear it. I got a bit upset again and I thought oh well it doesn't matter. I was hoping that our conversation would be more about me and my plans. Instead, all he talked about was this jacket he really wanted. I got more and more upset as we talked about him. We then had a small argument and stopped talking for an hour or so. At this time my parents went to a friend's house. I was home alone on the day that was supposed to be about me. I laid in my bed and just thought to myself, was it too selfish to want a day to be about me? Was I too selfish for wanting my dad's side of the family to acknowledge me? I don't know, maybe this is all my fault.