Introductions Are In Order

So, I've always had a problem with humans.

I've never been too incredibly comfortable around them. I don't trust others too easily. I also never really liked other people... touching me.

I have never been kissed.

I never let myself have a true friend, until very recently, that is.

I have been alone.

Horribly alone.

Okay.

Should I say my real name?

I suppose it would be nice to try and make a connection with people.

Hello, my name is Julia.

Please, for the love of God, do not call me Julie. The wrath of hell be upon you if you do. Call me Zap or Buzz or Bumblebee, if you don't like Julia. Just, not Julie.

I am nineteen years old; still getting used to not saying eighteen. I am a Taurus. I'm sure that will mean something to some of you. I am definitely a Taurus.

I am from New Jersey and I hate it here more than anything. But, I can't tell that too my parents because I don't want to insult them. My father has an unhealthy love and pride for Jersey. My mother is pretty much stuck here, and I would hate to make her really feel like it.

I think I'm crazy. I'm definitely not sane. I mean no one is really sane. But, I think I might actually be crazy. It's pretty possible. I've been battling depression since fifth or sixth grade, when I was ten or eleven years old. And, I also know that everyone gets sad. Everyone goes through funks and bouts of sadness. But, what I've been dealing with is the edge of life and death, and the struggle of being brave enough to keep going. To ignore the thoughts in my head and people who made me so unhappy.

So, I have all these thoughts bouncing around in my head constantly. They're sad and sometimes scary, and hard to tune out. They're not delusions or hallucinations, so I'm pretty sure I'm not schizophrenic, but there's something... not quite right about me.

And, that's where music comes in to play in my life.

Music, apart from family, is the most important thing in my life. It makes everything... better. Makes the world seem more manageable. Quieter. More beautiful.

I am going to university in Rhode Island. Music Performance and Psychology major. I hope one day to overcome all of my problems and use music to cure people just like it cured me. Music therapy.

I have a family by birth in New Jersey, and a family by choice in Rhode Island. I love most of my Jersey family, and I love my Rhode Island family unconditionally. They make me human.

Have you ever met someone who made you feel human? It's beautiful. Truly beautiful. And, I've met more than one person.

I am in love for the first time in my life. To a man I have the honor to call my best friend. The man who took me out of my broken shell and turned me into a human being.

All I've ever been sure of in my life is that I want to save someone. Somehow. Someday I will save someone. I will make some sort of impact on someone's life.

My past is dark, my present is light, and the future is hazy.

This is the introduction for a very heavy book.

Come what may.