Oh, Salvatore.

First things first to understand who I am talking about you must know the story behind it. So, a co-worker and I have this thing at work where we always check out the attractive males that come and go and tell each other about them; it doesn't matter which area of the store we're in, when call each other and talk about it. It's our thing. There is currently a male who we've given a nickname to which is Salvatore. Behind this name is because we're both obsessed with the television show The Vampire Diaries fans and we love the Salvatore brothers, but because we love one each we went with just the last name.

Now that that's out of the way you'll be able to understand what/who I am talking about, or most of what I am talking about. Everytime my co-worker and I see Salvatore we always tell each other about the encounter. We're like two little girls with a silly school crush. He's closer to my age than her's but that doesn't mean anything. The thing is, from what I've stalked on his Facebook page and from what I've heard from work, he likes the "thinner" girls and to be honest, why wouldn't he. Every male does. Sometimes I find myself wondering if he likes me, but then as soon as that thought is finished a new one forms; "Why would he?"

I am not the most thin girl, hey, I ain't even thin at all. I am quite large and as much as I hate admitting that to anyone online, it's what I am. I hope to God - not that I believe in him - that I can lose weight. I've spent the years ever since 2004 hating my body and formed a very pessimistic view on life and my body. I don't have self-esteem at all, it's non-existent. I would love to be able to love my body, but for now, I don't. I will work on it until I love myself.

Anyway, enough with that sad story on with the real point. I would love to be able to have a conversation with Salvatore without feeling like a fat elephant or being a friend. I am always in the friend zone. I hate the friend zone, it sucks. I believe that if I was a little bit thinner that I wouldn't always be put in the friend zone so quickly. Why does there have to be hot and ugly? It's so unfair. Le sigh.