Coconuts and Moonbeams

I didn't have much of an idea for a post today- so I thought I'd just regale you with the sugar induced injury laden tales of my youth. Before I get into that though- I would just like to rant a minute about how stupid men are. Like- literally, not just because their arrogant jackasses (not all men of course) - but because they really can't just follow frickin' directions. I had marching practice for graduation this morning and since they separate the boys from the girls for graduation, us girls practiced for about twenty minutes and then rehearsed the entire thing with the guys to only find out that they are just completely discombobulated and just can't figure out how to march to a beat. so we had to stay for nearly an extra hour so they could fall in step. I mean c'mon. It's really not that hard guys.

Anyways, onto one of my many weird childhood stories...

This all started when I was approximately eight or nine years old. My family was on a vacation to Hawaii over the summer and I was pumped to go. I was born in California and I always embraced the somewhat tropical culture, even though I wasn't even walking when we moved way up north. Out of all of the things I loved about tropical places- my favorite thing was coconuts. I fuckin' loved coconuts. I would drink or eat anything coconut flavored- even if I ate so much it made me sick. So one of the only things I wanted to do over the vacation was to find a coconut and eat it or whatever I thought that people would do with a coconut.

This entire bizarre situation started when we were on something called "The Sugar Cane Train"- its basically just a touristy train ride through some sugar cane fields; my mom is big on educational excursions. The train personnel were handing out homemade sugar cane candy and Brother and I ate A LOT. So, we bounced off the walls and reached out the windows to the point where Other Brother (the older one) had to restrain us. At this moment the train was going through a tropical forest and I saw some low-hanging palm trees ahead. So then I had the brilliant idea to fling my body to the window to grab a coconut. In a scramble- Other Brother grabbed at my legs as I flew towards the window- in a misguided attempt to prevent me from completely falling head first out of the window. My little hands grabbed a coconut before Other Brother pulled my small frame back inside the train compartment.

I sat, shaking with anticipation and because the sugar was coursing through my veins, as I clutched desperately onto the coconut (that smelled relatively foul...). I found a pencil on the floor and decided I couldn't wait to break into my precious coconut, so I took the pencil and jammed it into the, unusually soft, brown shell. The juice/milk started to fizzle out of the small hole and I excitedly put my little lips to it and drank. It was nasty. But I plastered a grin across my face and raved about how delicious it was- when it really tasted like the smell of sour milk.

Eventually my mind started to get hazy. I raved about coconuts and the moon (for what reason I don't know), as Mother retells to this day. I swayed about the cabin and made noises of any animal I could think of. As the sun set and we got off the train- I raved and raved about the moon. I vaguely remember seeing rainbows of light coming off of the lowly lit moon- Mother says now that I was hallucinating. They took me to a hospital and they pronounced me as "inebriated" that caused hallucinations. I stayed up until three or four in the morning in the hotel room (as the hospital released me to come down from the acute alcohol intoxication and sugar high in my parent's hands- as they thought that it posed no physical danger to my body). I watched Disney movies on ABC Family into the wee hours of the morning- supposedly rambling on about how Bambi was basically a little bitch (just in nine-year-old language) and all Disney princesses were like whores. I passed out on the floor and eventually awoke at noontime with a raging headache and some minor food poisoning.

And that's how I accidentally got drunk on fermented coconut juice from a rotten coconut.