I have been reduced to a Welcome mat.

Hi. I don't care if you read this. I just wanted to get it out. And maybe this is going to be subjective, but I don't care.

My best friends are killing me.

Not literally, of course, but figuratively. My first one, Madelyn, is so busy I never see her. That's about all she's done, and I can't really blame her for our schedules fitting perfectly together. Next is Cecilia. I rarely see her, too, and when we do talk, it's kind of... Well, lets say we have different interests. She's now completely obsessed with One Direction and tumblr. I'm not, so that's in the way. She's still that funny, kind, intelligent girl, but slathered with a relentless stain of boy band.

And now we come to Salena. Wonderful girl, I suppose. The problem is that whenever I disagree with her on anything, and I mean anything, I'm chastised for it. Like today. My other best friend Rachel, we'll get to her, revealed that she liked a cute boy named Josh. The conversation went like this:

R: See that boy in the plaid? I really like him.

S: Seriously, Rachel? Again?

Me: What?

S: She's had, like, seven boyfriends.

R: Not really...

S: Yes, yes you have.

Me: Not this year. She only had one.

S: But in seventh grade, she had seven. That's a way higher average than me. I've only had six boyfriends in my entire life.

Me: But your relationships were probably longer.

R: Yeah. My shortest one was two hours.

Me: See?

S: How many times have I told you guys to stop arguing? It's really fucking annoying.

Safe to say, Rachel and I stopped arguing.

Back on topic. So Rachel is this pretty brunette and one that has an odd sense of humor. Problem? She won't open up to me. Oh, she's easy to get along with, but she will not open up. At all.

But what had me mad/sad today was about something different. A random guy overheard us jokingly say how sexy we were. Rachel said, "Please, girl. I'm totally sexy." I laugh, and the guy looks at us and says, "Sorry. Rachel is way sexier than you."

Whatever. He's just a douche. He leaves, but turns back to say, "Rachel is just prettier than you."

That kind of hurts, but I don't say anything. Rachel looks kind of down in the dumps, and so I say, "You are pretty sexy," to cheer her up. It works. She says nothing to me.

Pathetic, right? I'm whining that I don't fit my schedule for my friends, I was informed to stop pestering, and I wasn't assured how pretty I am. I think that it's pathetic, too.

But I don't care, because I was still hurt by it. I feel weak, sad, and I keep letting people walk all over me. I should tell my friends, but Rachel won't be helpful, Salena will just go on a rant about how much she's been through and how rude I am, Cecilia won't take anything seriously so she's useless in this regard(but I assure you she isn't useless regularly), and Madelyn and I don't have time to talk.

So I decided, why not blog the fact that I feel like no matter how sweet I think I'm being, how pretty I think I look, and how much I hide it, I feel so haplessly stupid? Why the fuck not.