Talking to spaces (More like Dontes' 5 layer of hell)

When you dance in the street with the clouds at your feet that's amore. Whats crazy is that I haven't heard from John since the day I went to his house. Then there's he-who-must-not-be-named who hasn't talked or touched me since then. If all the world's a stage and we merely players then why does it seem like the play I'm in has ended. My few seconds on stage has disappeared, it's like I'm on an isolated lake that's wrapped thinly in ice. I can walk away now, but I don't really want it to end.. as much as I front. I actually enjoy this alot more than I hate it ( which I don't).

I got a problem with being around, near other females. Not all of them are bad or bitchy. It's just for some reason alot of the normal ( not nessary the *hot* ones) don't seem to like me. It's like they look at me in disgust or what seems like hate. Most of the time they do that when I say something or volunteer to do something. I don't show off at those times but they really don't seem to like me. What did I ever do to them.. nothing.
Here's how I see me.....
When I look at myself in the mirror the first thing that comes in my head is
"wow I look good."
Then after ten minutes I notice my flaws again and I think
"Damn I hate that bitch in the mirror."
It just shows how degrading I am to not only me but to women everywhere. It's said that when your mad, your not mad at the person but your actually mad at yourself. I must be really upset with myself all the time. Haha to think I actually believed that maybe, just maybe this guy could be different. I can't believe I let my standards slip so low. Most of all I seriously can't believe this crap that I've always said I'd never put up is tearing me apart.

I'm an effing rockstar. I rather be the stalker, the predator, the boss, the dictator. My plan to take over the world has been haulted by minor things like boys (Sorry that was an inside joke....naturally no one will get it....I was totally not serious). I need to get myself straight before any guy can come into my life. Im not gonna close my heart, I'm just not really gonna do anything stupid. I keep saying that, but is there really a meaning behind it.